15 Questions Your Southern Family Asks After You Come Out As A Bisexual Woman

Pass the potatoes and who's the man?

1. "Is this because of _____?"

Oygen

Your Aunt Lisa probably knows of at least one queer person and she probably thinks you got it from them.

2. "What about that guy from high school?"

VH1

Well, the awesome thing about bisexuality is that it means you're attracted to ALL genders.

3. "Why would you do this to me?"

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You're right. I was sitting in bed at 13, wondering what I could do to really give it to my family when I came up with hurdling through 10 years of internalized homophobia and Gay Panic™️, only to spend the rest of my life answering this dumbass question.

4. "Should I have just not put you in softball?"

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For every southern queer gal, there's a dad who's mind is wandering in a meeting, asking himself if putting his daughter on a softball team named The Unicorns was a subpar decision. Spoiler alert: it wasn't. The Unicorns fucking killed.

5. "But what about the... ya know... s-e-x?"

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A favorite. This one only comes with pity as you realize that whatever female family member said this to you has had a lifetime of bad sex.

6. "Why can't you just wait for the right MAN to come along?"

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I'm not sitting around waiting on ANYbody to come along. I'm living my best life and if a Paul or a Paula wants to join me, well then let's get the party started.

7. "Aww, honey. You know you're pretty right?"

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The entire idea that queer people are with their same gender significant other because they can't pull someone of the opposite sex should be completely disproven by the large haggle of women who would flock to Zachary Quinto if he ever came out as bisexual.

8. "Does your Mimi/Mamaw/Southern Grandma Name know?"

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This is a tough one. Sometimes grandparents are the scariest people to explain your sexuality to, but you know what? They're going to be fine. At the end of the day, your Mimi/Mamaw/Whatever You Call Her loves you more than her 45-piece set of empty butter container Tupperware.

9. "What are the (Insert Family Friend's Name)'s going to think?"

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Well, Cheryl. If you spent the same amount of time worrying about what people think of your family member's lives as you do being productive in your own, you might be able to finish that DIY pool deck you've been working on for the past three years.

10. "But I thought you wanted to have kids?"

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Me being queer hasn't poofed the desire to have children out of me. It just means it might be a more interesting ride.

11. "I saw your life playing out so differently. I wanted to walk you down the aisle."

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The chances that your parent held you in their arms as a baby and said, "I can't wait for her to grow up, go to college, and marry a kickass lady" are slim, because that possibility was, most likely, not on their radar. But now it is and they'll adjust. Sometimes it just takes time and some Ellen clips.

12. "Ok, but which gender do you like better?"

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I don't know, Kathy. Which child do you like better?

13. "What about people at church/synagogue/mosque? What do we tell them if they ask?"

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A common misconception is that people of faith and queerness can't mix. That's simply not true. While churches/synagogues/mosques/places of worship in The South have historically been less progressive than in other areas of America, times are changing. Uncle Richard just needs to update his operating system.

14. "But if you date a woman, you're obviously gonna be the girl in the relationship, right?"

Lifetime

Hey, Pam. It's honestly so simple. If I'm dating a woman, we're both women in the relationship. Also, I'm not here for your archaic gender rolls.

15. "Are you sure?"

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Finally. The question of all questions. It might be a bumpy ride, but your family is southern through and through. They'll pour you a glass of sweet tea and you'll talk it out like you always do.

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