Who among us hasn't COMPLETELY misread someone flirting with us as them "just being friendly"?
Well this week when Reddit user hailhailCthulhu asked, "What was your most 'I had no idea they wanted to have sex with me until' moment?" people did NOT disappoint with their tales of missed connections.
Here are just a few of the most awkward, cringe-y stories:
1. This gamer pickup gone wrong:
"I was on the patio outside of a bar talking to this guy when a bus passed with an advert for the new Tomb Raider game. The conversation turned to the game and I said that I bought it on the release date. Next thing he says is, 'I should come by one night to play it.' I responded that it was a single player game. I didn't realize until the next day what he was saying."
2. This literal and metaphorical pickle:
"My now-wife asked me to come over and open a pickle jar for her when we were in college. I texted my buddy who lived next door to her that she couldn't open her pickle jar. She texted me that I was a 'dumbass' and that she didn't have a pickle jar. I grabbed my pickle jar and walked over to her."
3. This seemingly-obvious attempt:
"My best friend told me that she 'gives amazing blowjobs' while trying to snake into my pants, but my thick ass responded with 'cool,' thereby preserving my virginity for two more years."
4. This fool-hearty pool party:
"I was at a pool party and, in typical pool party fashion, nobody was in the pool. A cute girl asked me if I wanted to swim and I said, 'Eh looks like nobody’s out there.' Some time passed and people started leaving and she asked me AGAIN. I said, 'Eh looks like people are leaving.'"
5. This missed mover:
"In college, a girl asked me to 'come over and help move a bed'...I brought a friend along to help."
6. This incredible confusion:
"I had a girl say she 'really wanted' me and I didn't get what she meant at first. She followed by saying, 'for sex.' I then said, 'Ah, the sex thing! Yes!' I'm really awkward."
7. This familial bond:
"I was in New York in the backseat of a taxi with this woman I met at a hostel. We’d known each other for a few weeks and she was always quite flirtatious, but I presumed that was just her personality. We were both pretty drunk and she started caressing my leg and resting her head on my shoulder. What happened next I still can’t explain...I really have no idea why I said this, but I said, 'You really remind me of my sister.' Yeah, that was the end of that."
8. This "nice" girl:
"There was this girl in high school who would rub against me, hug me, tell me to grab her ass, etc. Being dumb, I thought she was just being nice. It wasn't until after high school that I realized how dumb I was."
9. This clean relationship:
"A friend of mine helped me clean my room. When we were done, she sat down on the bed. I didn’t think she was interested, not even when she laid back and asked what we wanted to do now. I offered her a coffee and brought her home. When I returned to my house and went up to my room, I noticed that she left a bag behind. Curious, I peeked into it and what did I find? Clothes and underwear, as if for a sleep over."
10. This missed hint:
"I went on a date with a girl leagues hotter than me. She invited me over and my dumb brain didn't pick up on her complaining about a backache meaning 'massage me.' She then invited me to sleep in bed with her and I thought, 'oh well, I don't want to be ungentlemanly and presume.' She stopped texting me after that."
11. This hot tub mishap:
"I was once at a party that was like 90% girls. We were at my friend's parents' house (while they were out) and there was literally just one other guy there besides me. A few of the girls got into the hot-tub and all beckoned me in, but I refused, stating 'I don't have any swimming gear.'"
12. This change of pace:
"I was a weird, chubby teenager who worked at White Castle and there was a super-cute girl that also worked there who I got along with really well. On my day off, she asked if I wanted to pick her up after work and hang out. We were talking and she showed me her room, then said she needed to change. She told me I didn't need to leave, just turn around. I did, then she said she was just kidding and I didn't need to turn around. I stayed turned around and she eventually changed. I still cringe hard at that memory."
13. This coffee hater:
"I went on a date with a beautiful woman when I was 21. She was a few years older than me and I felt a little intimidated. We had a great date, went to dinner and a basketball game. When I took her home after the game, she asked me in for coffee. I told her that I 'didn't like to drink coffee this late' and that I 'had to get up early the next morning.'"
14. This nerdy pair:
"I was online dating a woman for about a month that I had bonded with over a shared love of nerdy stuff. She and I were texting when she sent me a video of her saying she was going to a local bar for a drink. I decided to get dressed and meet her there. She's funny, gorgeous, and smart, so I assume she's way out of my league.
I drove her home since she Ubered to the bar. She asked if we could move to the backseat and I said "sure", assuming it's just more comfortable. Eventually she got tired of waiting and said something along the lines of, "I guess I'm going to have to make the first move." She grabbed my face and kissed me. We now live together now, a year and a half later."
15. And finally, this happy ending:
"I had a close friend in college that I thought wasn’t into me. She convinced me to stay the night after a party, which I thought was weird because I was fine to drive. After I said my goodbyes to everyone, I sprawled out on the couch with the intention of going to bed. As I closed my eyes, I heard her open her bedroom door. She grabbed my hand and told me her bed is big enough for us both and that was that. We just celebrated our four year anniversary and we laugh about this moment often."
So there ya have it! Do you have an awkward story of a misread signal that could ~top~ these? Share yours in the comments below!
Some thread entries have been edited for length or clarity. H/T Reddit.