Hello! How are you? You're doing well?! Oh, that's great! Please allow me to ruin that for you immediately.
This weekend I was perusing the interwebs — as one does — just minding my own business. I watched that new Wonder Woman 1984 trailer. I enjoyed some clips from this week's Saturday Night Live. Then, unexpectedly, I came across this now VERY viral tweet that shook me to my very foundation:
olaf is 5'4"
I'M SORRY, W. H. A. T?
Naturally, I had approximately one trillion questions: First off — if this WAS true — how the heck tall was everyone else in this freakin' movie, then??? Was Elsa 11 feet tall on top of being an actual ice god???
Does this mean that Anna and Elsa were, like, 5'3'' as six-year-olds?! They were literally his height when they built him as actual babies?!
IS MARSHMALLOW GODZILLA?!
Naturally, I wasn't the only human being concerned about this listed height and — to put it lightly — the internet imploded at the very idea:
opens twitter finds out i'm the same height as olaf
"Unsettling" is an excellent summation of the idea of a human-sized sentient snowman who demands warm hugs:
Knowing that olaf is taller than me is very unsettling
Meanwhile, some wanted to make this the new form of measurement for all height everywhere:
new height measurement scale is: 1. shorter than olaf 2. taller than olaf
Others were quick to try to find reason within all of the madness:
So Olaf is 5'4, but Elsa is only 5'7 if you google her height. Anna is 5'3. Clearly Olaf measured himself and due to his perspective he miscalculated.
Okay, this is where I'm going to stop and say that this is, of course, NOT CORRECT information and was just hilariously edited (the outrage was originally based on a screenshot taken from a fan wiki page, after all), but the sleep all of us lost over this entire thing was very, very REAL.
To further demonstrate this point, here's a beautifully-researched Tumblr post from 2014 that better depicts the realistic heights of the characters and lists Olaf at a much more comfortable 2'6'':
In the end, maybe the explanation is simple and Olaf the snowman is just out here acting like every person to ever use any dating app:
Everyone stop panicking, men always lie about their height on the internet #Olaf