People Are Sharing The Funniest Thing That's Happened To Them During Sex And Just OMG
This post is very funny and very NSFW.
It's one thing to have something embarrassing happen to you in every day life, but it's a whole other deal to have something embarrassing happen to you ~in the bedroom.~
Well this week Reddit user tyspy197 asked, "What’s the funniest thing that has happened to you during sex?" and people DID NOT DISAPPOINT. Here are a few of the wildest stories:
1. This body slam:
"My ex and I were fooling around after having a few too many drinks one night and she stood up on the bed over me so she could sit on my face. She technically succeeded, but she lost her balance in the process and fell onto my face like a hammer hitting a nail. It completely killed the mood for both of us, but we had a pretty good laugh about it after."
2. This sexy pun:
"My wife was trying to perform oral sex from my right side rather than on my left, as she normally would. After about 30 seconds of uncomfortable shifting, she asked to move to the other side. I immediately asked her, "You aren't ambi-dick-sterous?" She snorted and before long we were both crying from laughing so hard."
3. This nerdy coupling:
"We put something random on the TV to mask our sex sounds. It was a documentary about excavating something in England, and they were finding older and older stuff as they kept digging. They didn't expect it at all since they were initially only after the surface stuff.
This is important because her and I were both paying attention to this because we're big nerds, but we're also polite, so we both didn't let on that we were half-watching it. Eventually she exclaimed, 'Are those Roman coins?!' and after laughing we decided it was a good time for a break and a snack."
4. This dirty laundry:
"We both had our eyes closed and were just going at it. I slid off the side of the mattress so my butt was still on the bed, but my torso and head were not. After a minute I fell all the way off the mattress and, when I opened my eyes, I was entirely inside a laundry hamper with just my legs sticking out. We laughed for a few minutes and then finished up."
5. This novocaine lube:
"Once we decided to try out this 'his and her' lube. The 'his' lube numbed his junk while the 'her' lube made it all tingly. So we do some foreplay, lube up, and then he decided now is a good time to have me go down on him. Turns out that numbing stuff isn't a joke! Dentists could use that stuff! My entire mouth went completely numb. I started laughing so hard we had to stop. We're married now."
6. This lightsaber penis:
"Shortly after my husband and I started dating, we bought a variety pack of condoms just to try out some new brands/types. He was wearing a blue one and started making lightsaber noises while swinging his dick around and doing sexy talk in a Yoda voice. That was the first time we told each other 'I love you' (Not exactly a story we can tell most people)."
7. This LOTR reference:
"The first time my ex and I were having sex I turned off the lamp by his bed and, for some reason, said out loud, 'And in the darkness bind them.' I was about 80% mortified at the time, but we ended up getting Lord of the Rings style rings as an anniversary gift later on, so it all worked out."
8. This milk fountain:
"My breasts turned into fountains during sex one time and beamed hot milk right into my husband's eye. These are the things they don’t tell you about nursing."
9. This unfortunate near-purchase:
"A few years ago my husband still had voice commands enabled on his Xbox. We decided to go back to the bedroom to fool around and neglected to turn the Xbox off. I SWEAR it was on the home screen when we left but, when we came back a bit later, we had somehow managed to voice command the Xbox all the way through to the very last purchase confirmation screen on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie."
10. This Jurassic Park lingerie:
"I attempted to take off a strappy piece of lingerie in a sexy way, but ended up with my arms stuck in it so that I resembled a sexy T-Rex. He refused to help me get out of it and we just laughed instead."
11. This simple command:
"My now-husband — then fiancé — had to turn the light out on me once because he couldn’t look at me without laughing, all because I had my legs straight up in the air and yelled “BRING FORTH THE PENIS,” Monty Python-style."
12. This compliment attempt:
"Things were getting hot and heavy with my (at the time) new girlfriend. We were talking dirty and at one point she said something along the lines of 'I can’t wait to suck your cock' and me, being so enamored by the situation, accidentally repeated her and enthusiastically said, 'I can’t wait to suck YOUR cock.' We laughed for a good while."
13. This Pokémon playlist:
"My girlfriend's phone was playing some sensual playlist in the background. We were about 10 minutes into foreplay and our clothes were almost all completely off...then the Pokémon theme song randomly started to play."
14. This high-kick:
"I had dental surgery the week before and I was finally feeling up for sex. My girlfriend and I were going at it for a few minutes, then we decided to switch positions. My girlfriend, somehow, managed to accidentally kick me right in the mouth, prompting me to yell out, 'You got me right in the surgery!'"
15. And finally, this cat crasher:
"My cat jumped on the bed as I was having sex and started rubbing his body over my guy's ass as if to be like, 'Hey guys! What are we doing?' We had to put him outside the room and shut the door, to which he responded by repeatedly flinging himself against the door and yowling."