1. “You look like a million bucks!” “I know you didn’t mean that to be hurtful…”
3. “If this is your idea of a joke, then you belong in a Woody Allen film because I’m not laughing.”
6. “I got treated better as a werewolf than I ever did as a black man. That’s messed up.”
7. “It’s so funny what people who have never been kidnapped think is scary. Talking crows? I would have LOVED to meet a talking crow!”
8. “My parents are blimping into town tomorrow.”
9. “The last time I had two men fighting over me I was a table at a Fire Island arm-wrestling match.”
11. “High heels were invented by a man, Kimmy. Because no woman ever invented anything.”
12. “I’m not running a charity here, except the one where I donate my old towels to poor people with the same initials as me.”
13. “I’ll keep the crowd away like a Greenpeace volunteer.”
14. “I’m from Connecticut, but my parents insisted all the children learn British. I didn’t speak a word of American until I arrived at college, bro.”
16. “You need to listen to your gut.” “I don’t have a gut, you motherfucker!”
17. “Sorry I don’t know Hanson’s current hits.”
19. “My first wife turned 50.” “I know. And I would never do that to you.”
20. “Hashbrown: no filter.”
23. And this perfect parody of the media.
In conclusion: “Females are strong as hell.”
- Top Democrats in Congress are demanding House Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes remove himself from the investigation into Russian interference in the election.
- After Donald Trump and the Republicans spectacularly failed to repeal Obamacare, Wall Street now realizes that massive tax cuts may not happen 😅 💸
- Over 18,000 households in Flint, Michigan, will receive new water lines, more than two years after dangerous levels of lead were found in the city's water supply.
- Samsung announced plans to refurbish and sell some of the 4.3 million explosive Galaxy Note7 phones it recalled last year📱🔥