When two people have sex for the first time, things can get really awkward. Bodies can do weird things and make embarrassing sounds, everyone has different preferences and skill levels, and you might just be incompatible.
But what happens when you have a disappointing hookup with someone you have feelings for and want to date? Do you just give up, or do you work to turn your sex life around?
Recently, we asked the BuzzFeed Community to share a time they had bad, awkward, and embarrassing sex with someone and whether they actually turned it around.
Here are some of the best replies, starting with the success stories:
1. "My husband of 24 years was absolutely the worst sex ever at first. He was so nervous that he started to sweat a lot — it was pouring off his head. He was literally raining on me until we started to make suction noises, like big beefy sounding suction farting noises. I had to stop him and let him know I was not going to orgasm. He said he wasn’t close either, so we stopped. We laughed and talked. When we tried again, I liked him enough to keep trying. After the third time, we saw stars. After that, it was truly the best sex I ever had."
2. "When my husband and I first started having sex, it was not great. We realized it was a confidence problem on his end (I was more sexually experienced than him). Instead of lying and faking orgasms, I just assured him that the more we practiced, the better we’d get. Maybe it sounds a little corny, but our emotional chemistry was strong enough to get us through some pretty awkward hookups, and the physical chemistry eventually came (pun intended)!"
3. "We met after a show I was playing, and things went pretty quick. When it came time to — ahem — rise up, there was no rise. I’ve never been a hookup guy because of this problem. Of course it was embarrassing, and my whole musician mystique died. But then she started dancing weirdly and asked 'does this make you horny baby?' like Austin Powers. That helped me get comfortable, and we've been together for five years."
4. "Things first got hot and heavy between us on a vacation we took together. It had been a while for both of us, I bled on him, and he finished quickly. Neither of us took it to heart, and we tried again the next morning to a more successful outcome. We liked each other enough to keep communicating and going at it. It’s been two years, and we're still together; he only finishes when I want him to, and the bleeding has stopped."
—Anonymous
5. "When my husband and I attempted to do the deed for the first time, he suffered from an inability to maintain an erection. He had been single for about five years prior, and he was just so nervous. There were definitely feelings of inadequacy from both sides that first attempt. Thankfully, we communicated and had no problems the second time!"
—Anonymous
6. "Our chemistry was amazing, and everything leading up to sex was great, but the actual act was anticlimactic (pun intended). I really cared about him and wanted to see where our relationship would go, so I just talked openly with him about things. For example, I need extra stimulation to climax, so I asked if he was was OK with introducing toys in the bedroom and he was, so that was a big help."
"The rest was just being open about what I like and how I like it and giving him the same space to do that as well. We also just gave it time. I adored him, so it was a no brainer to work on this aspect of our relationship. I can happily say he’s now my husband, we have the best sex I’ve ever had in my life, and we’ve been together almost nine years. It was definitely worth it."
7. "I had literally been in love with this woman since fifth grade, but we stayed just friends. Cut to college. I visited her dorm room one night and she asked directly: 'Can you bang me for two hours straight without finishing?' Obviously, I said yes. But while it was exciting, it was not the kind of sex I enjoyed and lacked any intimacy. We worked on it for some time, and it definitely got better. We hooked up on and off all through college, but it was never about anything other than sex."
8. "I went out with a guy I’d been crushing on for a few months. The date was great...until we went back to his place. I liked him so much and wanted to continue seeing him, but I didn’t address the issue immediately. Sex went much better on our second date — nothing great, but not terrible. I coached him a bit on what I like, and he picked it up VERY fast. I felt a bit self-conscious about telling him, but a friend told me he actually considers it polite to tell someone what you like in bed, as it saves them the embarrassment of performing poorly if they already know what to do. That really reframed things for me."
"I also think it can take a few tries just to get to know someone else’s body — a lot of communication can be non-verbal! Sex with my now-boyfriend (yay!) is great, and I’m so happy I stuck things out."
—Anonymous
9. "I met a guy on a dating app who was lovely to talk to. Unfortunately he finished VERY quickly every time we had sex. We talked about it and tried lots of different things (masturbating before sex, edging, numbing cream, etc.), but nothing worked. We just did other sexual acts like oral, which was still fun!"
—Anonymous
10. "We got married despite the sex because sex isn’t everything. We learned to be better for each other as much as possible, and I just accepted that we wouldn’t have the greatest sex life. 🤷♀️ We're still married and have a baby, so it was totally worth it!"
11. "The sex was great for me, and she asked me to help her finish using my fingers. I kept at it until my forearm cramped after 30 minutes. She then got herself there in three minutes. It kept going this way for about a month, and it was a huge blow to my ego. Finally, I checked my pride and started asking her for directions, which she happily provided. I made it my mission to get to know her body better than anyone else, including her. Now I can get her off in just a few minutes. Awesome sex takes practice."
"We'll be married for five years next month, and the sex is the best either of us have ever had."
—Anonymous
12. "Ironically, if you actually care about the person on a deeper level, the anxiety almost always makes the first lay terrible. People need to remember that nerves are a good sign. If you're just a piece of meat, people are less likely to care about embarrassment (which is what good sex requires)."
Unfortunately, sometimes a sexual experience is just too bad to salvage:
13. "We went on five dates before things got intimate. I was super into his personality, but we were NOT a physical match. I just laughed uncomfortably through the full thing, and I felt so bad that I just left after."
14. "I slept with a sweet angel guy years ago. I was in a very dark spot mentally and sexually, and our sex was so, so bad. We talked all night and checked in with each other, and it was lovely. I think we had sex in the morning, but all I really remember is that he was moving out of our college town the next day, so I helped him move his mattress. ☠️☠️☠️"
"Mike, if you're reading this, I hope you're doing well being a wildlife firefighter! Thank you for being a sweet and caring presence during a really dark time!"
15. "There was one person where having sex totally killed the attraction for me. It wasn't bad on a technical level, but there was just no chemistry at all. It felt like trying to sleep with a family member. We had to break things off after that."
—Anonymous
16. "I was dating someone online for six months. The day we were going to meet, I got my period. I couldn't get a menstrual cup in correctly, and the guy was clearly not attracted to me anymore. All the built up sexual tension vanished, and I was just super embarrassed and sad. We're still friendly, but I can’t imagine ever trying anything sexual with him again. It was honestly very disappointing."
17. "After a night of drinking, we went back to her place and started making out. She kinda abruptly shoved her hand down my pants and muttered under her breath 'please don’t be small, please don’t be small' and then 'oh thank god, you’re huge!' It was a nice little compliment, but still a little weird that she was talking to herself out loud like that. Then we started to have sex and I felt something hard. I was like, 'this is great, but there's something inside you,' and she bolted for the bathroom. She came back without an explanation. After we both finished, she said, 'I wasn’t sure if you were going to be here when I came out, but I’m glad you were, and by the way good job!' Then she high fived me."
"We never got together after that, so there wasn't a chance for us to improve together. But I’m married now, and it’s a lot less weird with my spouse. My main takeaway is that people are weird. Find your weirdo, and then the weird moments will feel much more normal — but normal doesn’t mean boring if you're with the right person!"
—Anonymous
Some responses edited for length and clarity.