Skip To Content

    20 Hysterical Tweets By Women That Sent Me To An Early Grave

    "Really feel like I should have gotten to fuck around a whole lot more for the historic amount of 'finding out' that's happened in my lifespan" —@VeryBadLlama

    Fun fact: "Blurred Lines," "Wake Me Up," "Pompeii," "What Does the Fox Say," "Cups," and "Harlem Shake" all came out 10 years ago, and now, I feel positively ancient. Time sure does fly when you're having a decade-long panic attack!!!

    Before any more time passes, make sure you follow all these funny ladies on Twitter!

    1.

    all these men vying for Speaker and none running to be Listener. makes u think

    Twitter: @EmmaYourFriend

    2.

    My order at the Dunks drive thru came to $10.38. I handed the cashier a $10 gift card and 50 cents. She returned and handed me back the gift card and said “You have 12 cents left on it!” I can’t move past this.

    Twitter: @missmulrooney

    3.

    some chud on twitter: everyone is so woke these days, you could never make a slightly edgy tv show from the early 2000s now It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: our next episode is called 'the gang does sex crimes in blackface' and we've been renewed for 19 more seasons

    Twitter: @VeryBadLlama

    4.

    Lol my phone just put together a slideshow titled “animal friends” and it included a picture I took at the Atlanta aquarium of an otter sucking its own dick

    Twitter: @samlymatters

    5.

    Twitter: @ginnyhogan_

    6.

    Whenever I’m feeling down, I remember the company dinner when an intern turned to our CEO and asked, “Who are you?”

    Twitter: @katjolewis

    7.

    My mom’s 60-something friend was set up with a 67-year-old guy who is “not looking for anything serious” in case you think that ever ends

    Twitter: @omgskr

    8.

    Doing sleight of hand magic at the nail salon while they try to politely request I keep my hands still

    Twitter: @BrotiGupta

    9.

    I’ve consulted with the jury (my friend group) and they have deliberated (texted me) and reached a verdict (given me advice I’m going to ignore)

    Twitter: @saint_audrey

    10.

    men do shrooms once and discover the same things 13 year old girls have discovered alone in their bedrooms

    Twitter: @supremeipadbaby

    11.

    This man is obsessed with everyone seeing that he knows how to sit down in a chair https://t.co/ZDSIiuJaX7

    @rishisunak / Via Twitter: @hansmollman

    12.

    why would u ever want to be friends with benefits with a man? like what benefits are u getting aside from a life lesson

    Twitter: @jasminericegirl

    13.

    I lost my virginity in high school. My boyfriend and I had sex, and then two weeks later, we had sex for a second time, at which point it became abundantly clear that what we had done the first time was definitely not sex

    Twitter: @ginnyhogan_

    14.

    ppl rlly don’t drop money on the floor like they used to

    Twitter: @f8the

    15.

    Twitter: @Noorthevirgo

    16.

    it's actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing and so many people are still like, no thanks the suffering is what makes it special.

    Twitter: @missmayn

    17.

    i miss him (literally the worst person i’ve ever met)

    Twitter: @cassiee1919

    18.

    There are multiple guys in the NBA whose last name is Ball, and I think that's neat. That's hoop culture, there

    Twitter: @rajandelman

    19.

    Empty statement with no intention to do anything 👇👇👇👇 https://t.co/VFqga7E6cM

    Twitter: @BrotiGupta

    20.

    really feel like I should have gotten to fuck around a whole lot more for the historic amount of 'finding out' that's happened in my lifespan

    Twitter: @VeryBadLlama