28 Hysterical Tweets By Parents That Sent Me To An Early Grave
"My daughter wrote a story titled 'My Mom Loves Coke' but didn’t clarify it was the soda and now I’m nervous for parent-teacher conferences" —@KatieDeal99
I'm absolutely positive that the golden rule was written by a parent, because children can truly be unrepentantly vicious.
Be kind, you never know who’s already been humbled by their own child today
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 6, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
Child: I can't wait to be an adult.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 6, 2023
Me [shaving my ears]: Yeah it's great.
2.
I told my 3yo Elliot I saw a deer in our yard & he goes “I’ll tell the other Elliots” and I laughed, then later he explained he said that bc in an ep of Thomas a diesel train named Diesel said “ill tell the other diesels” which is smart but also how confusing must it be to be 3
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 3, 2023
3.
Today, one of my kids showed me her to do list organized by subject and urgency, and my other kid walked into the wall while trying to read a book.
— Lyz Lenz (@lyzl) October 3, 2023
4.
In case you are under the mistaken impression that I am a good conversationalist, I want you to know that I just held up my very chubby 4-month-old at arms' length and asked him, "do you enjoy being a child?" and he spat up on me
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) September 30, 2023
5.
8 y/o me at 9:00 pm preparing to tell my mom I need 24 cupcakes for tomorrow pic.twitter.com/XLE1TrAQ2A
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) October 4, 2023
6.
when i met him, i should’ve recognized the red flags because he immediately wanted to move in with me. 11 months later he still has no job or money and i can’t do anything without him watching my every move.
— Chele, please! (@_YamSmalls_) September 30, 2023
like, i know he’s my son but he’s gotta get it together.
7.
Can’t wait to tell my grandkids how we survived the switch from double spaces to single spaces after a period.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 5, 2023
8.
Normal people: hey I just ran out of shampoo. I need some more
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 2, 2023
Teenagers: hey I ran out of shampoo like 5 months ago why haven't you gotten me more yet?
9.
My daughter wrote a story titled “my mom loves coke” but didn’t clarify it was the soda and now I’m nervous for parent-teacher conferences
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 1, 2023
10.
Me: thinking I’m doing a good job educating my children
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 3, 2023
My 7yo: All meat is just different chickens
11.
I called a driver in the school drop off line a moron and 7 very solemnly said… Santa heard that.
— Marissa 💚🍁💛🎃 (@michimama75) October 4, 2023
12.
my daughter was 4 when her brother was born and she told me “you really hurt my feelings when you had that baby!”
— L Mcc (@lmcc149) October 5, 2023
13.
the “meet me in the restroom” was very forward for a 5th grader but then it makes sense when you find out she’s trying to throw hands
— ashley ray (@theashleyray) October 4, 2023
14.
My oldest legit just said: it’s pretty rare that the prototype is the best version but here I am
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 5, 2023
15.
I’m so proud of my daughter for making this fox all by herself and also I’m never fucking sleeping again. pic.twitter.com/2HdoXhhpOF
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 2, 2023
16.
What's this? You made me a snow globe out of a baby food jar and glitter? Sweetheart, we've been over this. Daddy only wants presents you buy with money from a store.
— Jack Boot (@IamJackBoot) October 5, 2023
17.
My 5yo saw a sign while we drove to school & said it meant no crashing into the floor.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 1, 2023
It was a no U-turn sign.
18.
My kid is asking me questions like “what is ethics,” and I just want to rewind to the “do mermaids know what pants are” stage because it was easier.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 6, 2023
19.
Am I free to make plans? Yes. Will one of my family be ill on that day? Also yes.
— Laura prefers the bird (@ericamorecambe) October 6, 2023
20.
My daughter calls out my husband’s first name and tells him to do things and I just wonder where she learned to speak to her father that way
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) October 4, 2023
21.
10: this game took forever to download! It took like almost 1 minute
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 3, 2023
me: *laughs in dial-up*
22.
I will always and forever be staunchly PRO-BREASTFEEDING.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) October 3, 2023
Not because formula is inferior or cannot nourish a baby as well (I do not think this)
but for the sake of the MOTHER
because I believe in the SANCTITY of an AIRTIGHT EXCUSE to duck out of ANY GIVEN SOCIAL SITUATION.
23.
My kid: can I have more apples
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 4, 2023
Me: Did you finish the apples I already gave you?
My kid: yes
My kid’s plate: pic.twitter.com/IhSDOiCQXs
24.
Podcasters be like “Hello Fresh is family friendly. Even my pickiest eater loves their spinach salmon truffle mac and cheese” like bitch why you lying.
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) October 2, 2023
25.
14 (on some shirts bought her): "I love them! These will be PERFECT for when I wanna dress like a nerd!"
— nika (@nikalamity) October 5, 2023
26.
My 3yo came home from school mad that one of the boys poked her in the eye. I asked if she talked to her teacher about it and she said yes, but the teacher didn’t have a chance to address it because then the boy fell out of his chair and broke both his arms. Unsure if lies.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 5, 2023
27.
Tonight I made my kids angry at me and I had to apologize. I’m going to tell you what I did so you can learn from my mistakes…..please understand, I’m just a human. I fail.
— Lyz Lenz (@lyzl) October 3, 2023
Okay.
I made them a plum torte and served it with vanilla ice cream.
28.
My 5 year old is going to be a witch for Halloween. But she doesn't want to wear a hat. No wig, either. The black dress? Too itchy. Oh, and she's not down with green makeup. The only part of the costume she likes is the broom. My 5 year old is going to be a janitor for Halloween.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 5, 2023
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