21 Hysterical Tweets By Moms And Dads That Have Me Hootin' And Hollerin'
"Welcome to parenthood. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if a day was 3267 hours long?" —@HenpeckedHal
If you're feeling tired, run-down, or listless, perhaps you should try taking on the world like this little girl takes on 2nd grade:
I asked 7 if she was ready for second grade and she said that second grade better be ready for her.
— Marissa 💚🍃💛 (@michimama75) August 28, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
Saddest thing about raising a kid in 2023 isn't climate change. It's that when you eat your corn like a typewriter, they don't get it.
— Jenny Hagel (@jennyhagel) August 28, 2023
2.
12yo: imagine if cargo shorts existed as pants…
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) August 29, 2023
Me: they do, they’re called cargo pants
12yo: WHAT
3.
Once my daughter turned 7 she suddenly forgot how to pronounce “mom” and now it comes out sounding like “bruh”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 28, 2023
4.
I'm just a girl, standing in front of a computer, copying the emergency contact info from my kids' school portal profile onto a new emergency contact form so I can send it into school and they can re-input the information into my kids' school portal profile.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 30, 2023
5.
My kid told me the book we were reading was fiction, and the reason he knows that is because dragons don’t eat tacos, they eat meat
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 29, 2023
6.
A heist movie, but instead of navigating lasers and speeding trains, the hero has to remove the lanyard from a pacifier in a sleeping baby's mouth without waking the baby
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 30, 2023
7.
I think my kid might be a magician because he takes a water bottle to school and makes it disappear
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) August 29, 2023
8.
My grandfather fought in a world war and my five year old asks me to come to the bathroom with him to hold his nose so he doesn’t have to smell it when he poops.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 30, 2023
9.
just saw a couple ‘rock paper scissors’ for who had to deal with their toddler’s blowout
— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) August 31, 2023
10.
Just like with my children, I am constantly calling Alexa and Siri by each other’s names
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 29, 2023
11.
11yo: Are we there yet?
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 29, 2023
Me: Minutes away
11yo: Technically we’re always minutes away from everything, we’re minutes away from death right now
12.
Thinking about the time we told our 5 yo we were moving and he said he was gonna miss us.
— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) September 1, 2023
13.
My 12yo just referred to herself as the rizzler.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) August 29, 2023
I guess I’m officially “I don’t know what that means” years old.
14.
Nobody told me that I would have to be so deeply invested in school friends and enemies all over again when I had a child, I would like to lodge a complaint
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 28, 2023
15.
Welcome to parenthood. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if a day was 3267 hours long?
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 26, 2023
16.
me: ohh you get to sleep in tomorrow
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 1, 2023
my 7yo: nah
17.
for sale: baby shoes, never worn. baby got suuuper good at hand stands. we can’t get him to stop. it’s making my wife so angry.
— erin chack (@ErinChack) August 30, 2023
18.
16- *bragging about his mustache*
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) August 28, 2023
12- Mom’s mustache is way better than yours
Me-
19.
*10 comes out of nowhere*
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 30, 2023
me: scared the crap out of me. where'd you come from??
10: my mom.
me: touche.
20.
Before I had my 3rd baby, my husband had a new dept head who insisted he needed a doctor’s note to get paternity leave approved. My OB was like “??” and she gave me a note saying “Kristen is going to give birth at some point.”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 27, 2023
21.
Diapers are so absorbent because toddlers need something to hold all of their audacity.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 29, 2023
Don't miss the funniest tweets by parents last week...
33 Hysterical Parents Who Prove Raising Kids Is 100% Not For The Faint Of Heart
...or the funniest tweets by parents in July!
40 Hysterical Parents Who Tweeted Through Another LooOOOoooOOong Month Of Parenthood