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79 Thoughts Australians Had Watching The Republican Primary Debate

Ten old men in suits yelled at each other and made our politicians look almost normal.

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1. We heard there was going to be a Donald Trump concert on the TV so here we are.

2. OMG this is like American Idol. I love this so much. I love America.

3. These announcers can't turn off their News Anchor voices.

4. Holy hell there are lot of candidates! Haven't you weeded some more out by now?

5. Or are all these men taking on Hillary?

6. The floor is SO SHINY. The whole set kind of looks like an Olympic swimming pool. Except they're all old dudes in suits.

7. Or Goldmember's lair from the Austin Powers movie.

8. Laser sharks could be a good way to cull candidates imho.

9. Why is this happening in Ohio?

10. So many white men. And a few orange men.

11. But no one as orange as that Fox News host. His face looks like it's trying to get to the back of his head.

Fox News @BretBaier is as orange as an Oompa Loompa. #RepublicanDebate 🐘

12. So, left to right, these three hosts are like Laurie Oakes, Leigh Sales, and Karl Stefanovic?

13. Are any of these people a sensible option or are they all, like, joke candidates?

14. Chris Christie... Why do I know his name? He's not the mayor who ate all the drugs is he? No, that was in Canada.

15. Is he wearing a Fitbit?

16. I'll just say it, I like Rand Paul.

17. This is so much like the debates we had in primary school debate class. So…bad.

18. Everyone's hair looks like it was dropped onto their head from a great height.

19. OK I have never heard of this Ben Carson before.

20. Oh, he's a neuroscientist.

21. And he just said that the most important thing is having a brain... Well...yeah.

22. Ben Carson: Brains are important. So is a soul. SO AM I.

23. I think he's leaning a little too heavy on this whole brain scientist thing. He's made like 10 jokes about brains so far.

24. Aaagh what just happened? Trump just put his hand up and now everyone is booing at him.

25. I love that one of his credentials is host of Celebrity Apprentice.

26. That'd be like Grant Denyer running for PM.

27. He definitely should.

28. RUBIO!

29. Marco Rubio. What a name though. Sounds like the bad boy who rides a motorbike in a '90s teen movie.

30. I hope Marco Rubio nervously reaches for a glass of water.

31. Is he...? Is he a bit handsome?

32. ...No.

33. These people are bloody pros at not actually saying anything.

34. "If I am the nominee, we will be the party of the future." No shit dude that's how time works.

35. Oh, Jeb Bush. He's the guy with the terrible logo everyone was making fun of.

36. "In Florida, they called me Jeb. Because I earned it." ...Isn't that his name? So…what did he earn?

37. And remember, "Jeb" stands for John Ellis Bush, so when he calls himself Jeb Bush he's calling himself "John Ellis Bush Bush".

38. "I'm gonna run hard, run with heart, and run to win." What are you, Jeb, a fucking racehorse?

39. Whoa I had no idea Rand Paul was Ron Paul's son.

40. We don't really have political dynasties in Australia.

41. Holy shit what just happened.

42. Megyn Kelly: "You've called women you don't like 'fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals—"

Trump: Only Rosie O'Donnell.

43. SO HE INTERRUPTED THE WOMAN TALKING TO SLAG OFF ANOTHER WOMAN? Now I get why Americans lose their shit over this guy.

44. And what's so bad about Rosie O'Donnell?

45. Pretty brave of him to own calling a woman a fat pig tho.

46. Donald Trump looks like a toad who ate the sun.

47. OMG. He is incredible. In an awful way. Incredible.

48. This lady's eyelashes are like two big black fans stuck on her eyes.

49. Megyn Kelly. Americans have more spellings and pronounciations for the name Megan than any other country. Megyn. Meaghan. Mhegagghan.

50. Also, you could tell me that she was 20 or 60, and I'd be like, yeah, sounds about right.

51. America is one of the few countries where politicians so openly boast about defunding planned parenthood.

52. Uhhh is this guy talking about "ripping up a baby's body parts"? Gross...

53. It's really easy to get applause in this debate, just say something like "ISIS is bad."

54. No one is talking about John Kasich which seems like a good sign that he's the best candidate?

55. Yeah, Kasich seems normal.

56. He could be an absolute nutter IRL, but stand him next to these guys and he seems like a sensible dude.

57. Jeb has spoken twice where is Trump I miss Trump.

vine.co

58. So WE NEED TO BUILD A WALL is the American equivalent of STOP THE BOATS.

59. What will the wall be made of? C'mon Trump, give us some detail.

60. I can't believe they get away with calling people "Illegals", at least we call them boat people.

61. I bet Tony Abbott just jotted down "build wall?" in his little notebook of ideas.

62. The immigration debate in America is heaps worse than ours… which is nice… for us I guess.

63. Christie and Rand Paul be like:

64. "The hugs that I remember" coming soon to the Hallmark channel.

65. Chris Christie looks like he'd be a good hugger.

66. I feel like calling the constitution "hot air" might hurt Christie.

67. This is bonkers.

68. I miss Palin.

69. Oh man can you imagine if Julie Bishop were in this debate? She would slay.

Hillary Clinton at Donald Trump's 2005 wedding (via @gettyimages) #GOPDebate

70. Well that's not how you invite someone to your wedding.

71. It is so funny how everyone is obsessed about America's standing in the world. Like, just maybe stop trying to win the imaginary best country Olympics and look after your people maybe idk.

72. No one on this stage is running on a platform to "kill all boomers".

73. Some interesting points raised so far but what would these politicians do with Johnny Depp's dogs?

74. For people who want to be president these guys sure do hate government.

75. You know what's missing from political debate in Australia? PIMPS.

76. I admire the way Trump just stands up and says, "Yeah, I'm an asshole, what's your point?"

77. "I'm an old fashioned person" –Every person on stage

78. SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY ASKING IF GOD HAS PERSONALLY SPOKEN TO THE CANDIDATES WHAT IS THIS.

79. Everyone's closing statement is just "'MURICA!"

ALEX: I was really surprised at the level of political rhetoric in this debate. Like we give our politicians shit for their three-word slogans, but I just watched a man say with a straight face, "The purpose of the military is to kill people and break things." I guess this is what we have to look forward to?

ROB: What a shitshow. Donald Trump was proudly misogynist, a bunch of old men spoke A LOT about women's bodies, and the candidates were asked if they had spoken directly to God. The only positive was that it made me feel slightly better about the standard of Australian political debate.

BRAD: Australia can learn a hell of a lot from the American political cycle, and the way they use media is second to none. This isn't always a good thing, though. I am deeply hoping that Trump loses any shot at becoming president, hops on over, changes citizenship, and runs for PM of Australia. Then maybe we'll get some entertainment.

Alexandra Lee is a politics reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in Sydney, Australia.

Contact Alex Lee at alexandra.lee@buzzfeed.com.

Rob Stott is a news editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in Sydney.

Contact Rob Stott at rob.stott@buzzfeed.com.

Brad Esposito is a news reporter for BuzzFeed and is based in Sydney, Australia.

Contact Brad Esposito at bradley.esposito@buzzfeed.com.

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