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Real Talk: Hobbits Are Sexier Than Elves

I'm hobbitsexual and proud.

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Listen, nerds. If you've seen The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit movies and you think that elves are the sexiest residents of Middle Earth, you're fucking wrong.

New Line Cinema / Via lotr.wikia.com

Yes, OK. Elves have long, shiny hair and carry themselves with the wisdom only thousands of years of introspection and study can bring. Big whoop.

New Line Cinema / Via lotr.wikia.com

They are also notoriously snobby, emotionally unavailable, and have been known to monologue extensively while glowing from within.

New Line Cinema / Via sodahead.com

They are also all vegans, which don't even get me started on.

All in all I’d rate the sex appeal of your average Tolkenian elf somewhere between sitting pantsless on an iceberg and chipping a molar.

New Line Cinema / Via it.lotr.wikia.com

You want to know who's really bringing sexy back to Middle Earth? Hobbits.

Hear me out.
New Line Cinema / Via ign.com

Hear me out.

Hobbits are chill AF. They want nothing more than to wake up late, cook you breakfast, and snuggle right back in bed with you until noon.

New Line Cinema / Via gajanoncensure.tumblr.com

They've got fabulous curly hair that looks fun to play with. Elves won't let you touch their hair.

New Line Cinema / Via fanpop.com

They love to go to parties, but are also super down to stay in and smoke a little pipe-weed if that's what you want.

New Line Cinema / Via amandadelallo.blogspot.com

They're attractive without trying too hard, you know?

Pippin woke up like this ^
New Line Cinema / Via heroes-get-made.tumblr.com

Pippin woke up like this ^

As far as sex appeal goes, Hobbits are all about making sure you are comfortable and taken care of. They don’t care if you have stretch marks. They love you at any size.

Also consider: HUGE feet ;-)
New Line Cinema / Via grimmella.wordpress.com

Also consider: HUGE feet ;-)

Hobbit sex = fun, all-day marathon with snack breaks, weed, and naps thrown in as needed.

Warner Bros. Pictures / Via giphy.com

For comparison, Elf sex = basically throwing two skeletons into a paper bag and shaking it.

In conclusion, Hobbits are the tiny, sex-positive boyfriend you never had and Elves are jerks.

New Line Cinema / Via gifvault.com

Accept the love you deserve! Choose a Hobbit.

New Line Cinema / Via youknowquebec.tumblr.com
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