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"Africa" By Toto Is The Greatest Musical Achievement Of All Time

There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do.

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First things first: See this video? Press play.

View this video on YouTube

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Is it playing? Good. You're listening to the greatest song ever written or performed in the English language. NO EXCEPTIONS.

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Why is it so good? JUST LISTEN. This intro is solid gold. The drumbeat, the keyboard, that weird little flute-y thing, I don't even know what instrument it is. It's perfect.

Limelight Productions / Via youtube.com

Maybe a kalimba? No idea tbh.

And then that first verse. David Paich's voice is so coarsely soothing, it's like taking a bath in a tub full of gravel. Finely ground gravel, but gravel nonetheless.

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We've got some great lines in this verse, lines which in any other song would be show-stoppers but are par for the course in the four minutes and thirty-four seconds of excellence that is "Africa" by Toto.

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But the first verse is only the appetizer. No – it's the amuse bouche! The real meat of "Africa" by Toto, and the reason it's the greatest song ever written is the chorus. GET READY.

You're not ready for it. It's impossible to be ready for it. The chorus to "Africa" by Toto will hit you like a ton of bricks. I cry every time.
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You're not ready for it. It's impossible to be ready for it. The chorus to "Africa" by Toto will hit you like a ton of bricks. I cry every time.

"GONNA TAKE A LOT TO DRAG ME AWAY FROM YOU!"

Fucking majestic, man.
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Fucking majestic, man.

"THERE'S NOTHING THAT A HUNDRED MEN OR MORE COULD EVER DO."

I can't even believe a mortal man wrote this song.
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I can't even believe a mortal man wrote this song.

"I BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AAAAFRICA"

BLESS THOSE RAINS, DAVID!
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BLESS THOSE RAINS, DAVID!

"GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO DO THE THINGS WE NEVER HAAAA-AAAA-AAAAD"

Take all the time you need, you god of soft rock.
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Take all the time you need, you god of soft rock.

Wasn't that great? I mean really, wow. OK, time for the second verse, which admittedly does not live up to the lyrical exceptionalism of the first but is STILL GOOD.

Of course, the second verse very quickly leads into –
Alexander Kuguchin / Getty Images

Of course, the second verse very quickly leads into –

"GONNA TAKE A LOT TO DRAG ME AWAY FROM YOU"

Fuse / Getty Images

"THERE'S NOTHING THAT A HUNDRED MEN OR MORE COULD EVER DO"

Tu-ka / Getty Images

"I BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AAAAFRICA"

Baronvisi / Getty Images

"GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO DO THE THINGS WE NEVER HAAA-AAAA-AAAD"

How is this song so good? How?
Amana Productions Inc. / Getty Images

How is this song so good? How?

The rest of the song is a repeat of that chorus over and over, pounding the tune into your skull so that for the rest of your life, whenever you hear it, you will be forever compelled to sing the four greatest lines in musical history.

Limelight Productions / Via youtube.com

Gonna take a lot to drag it away from you(r brain).

Happy listening, friends. And you're welcome.

Limelight Productions / Via youtube.com

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