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1. A Golden Girls tote, because out of your friend group, you definitely identify with good ol' snarky Sophia. How dare anyone think differently.
2. A mocking SpongeBob enamel pin so you always have a response to someone's very annoying comment. Oh, you would like to speak to a manager? Hang on.
3. A notepad set for work that'll leave you chanting "I love my job!" as you walk into another meeting that👏🏻could👏🏻have👏🏻been👏🏻an👏🏻email.
4. A scathing magic nine ball to help you get through the numerous questions you're asked a day. Just try not to roll your eyes too much.
5. Sassy llama-throwing-deuces crew socks because you're so over dealing with drama and would rather politely excuse yourself from the narrative.
6. A ribbon so you can pride yourself on your greatest life achievements, like finding the best memes. If you've also earned a degree, gotten a full-time job, and bought a house...no one cares. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MEMES.
7. An iconic unisex Nancy Pelosi shirt, because no one claps quite like this queen. And now you can, too.
8. A pint glass to help you feel incredibly boujee as you continue to sip on that discount beer because #bills. If you could, you'd definitely be sipping champagne. For sure.
9. A non-slip coir doormat that'll make your guests pause. You love having friends, but only on Fridays from the hours of 5-10 P.M.
10. A vinyl Office-themed sticker because you, too, have zero time for nonsense. If you place on your laptop cover, maybe Susan the Coworker will finally stop telling you her weekend plans.
11. A lazy Halloween costume that'll give life to your sarcastic soul when someone asks, "What are you?" and you can point to your shirt and quip back, "Isn't it obvious???"
12. A very appropriate mug for each and every morning because the thought of interacting with the human race without caffeine is just too horrendous.
13. A hand sanitizer that'll have everyone doing a double-take next time you use it. And will probably cause some dubious looks. Just smile and wave.
14. A unisex National Sarcasm Society shirt to let people know how absolutely serious you are in conversation. Like, so serious. Zero humor.
15. A "Cry, Die, Hate" poster so you can appropriately mock the notorious "Live, Laugh, Love" one you see on everyone's wall. Such original decor! So unique!
16. An 11-ounce "male tears" ceramic mug because you're a true sarcastic savage and every guy who *accidentally* mansplains is about to face your wrath.
17. A vinyl "this is fine" sticker to accurately portray how you handle tough life situations. And by handle, I mean you slap some sarcasm on the situation and call it a day.
18. A unisex "Thank U, Next" shirt because you've got zero tolerance for exes and the infamous "you up?" or "are you out?" texts that roll in past acceptable hours.
19. An adult coloring book for mothers who are awoken each morning with the glorious sound of wailing tears. Motherhood! So fun!
20. A Real Housewives of New York card dedicated to the one and only Dorinda Medley that'll deliver a level of sass you aspire to each and every day. Make sure to give it to someone who will appreciate it.
21. A print that you'll want to hang in your office immediately because of the most classic tech line ever uttered in human existence. Your laptop is freaking out? Let me offer this sage piece of advice you probably have never heard of!
Just because it deserves another special call out:
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