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24 Summer Fails Miami People Know Too Well

305 'til I melt.

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1. This mierda literally plaguing Miami beaches.

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2. This happening when you're in THAT spot.

At least it only lasts about, what? Two minutes, tops.

3. When your street turns into a canal.

Just like Venice!

4. Trying to park near the Beach.

Especially at night. Good luck, because you're going to be circling from Labor Day through next Ultra.

5. Trading in your winter croqueta body for your summer croqueta body

What I mean is that right now my body is literally shaped like a croqueta.

6. Spending 172 hours on your hair, only to have the Miami humidity give you a free makeover.

The WB / ABC Family

Is your hair naturally straight? Wavy? Curly? Springy? It doesn't matter, because you're gonna wear it frizzed.

7. Walking into any place of business and immediately freezing.

OK, it's 94 degrees outside, but that doesn't mean it has to be MINUS 94 INSIDE.

8. The wildlife attacking you in your own home.

Roaches count as wildlife. Those monsters.

9. Your own car trying to kill you.

An oven on wheels.

10. The tourists who insist on bringing rolling suitcases into the mall.

You don't need all your toes, do you?


Turn the f around, Cookie Monster.

12. Knowing that summer = time to put up the hurricane shutters in the blazing heat.

13. Actually, just hurricane season in general.

14. When you need to "borrow" mangos from a neighbor's yard.


15. When your shoe options become drastically limited.

Not counting the Miami Hurricane crocs your aunt bought you three Christmases ago.

16. When it's hot but so are you.


17. When you came here to have a good time and honestly feel so attacked rn.

Like, literally attacked.

18. Summer tourists who still think it's cute to announce "I'm in Miami, bitch."

OK, first of all, you're visiting your grandmother in Boca and second, you need to stop.

19. When it's hot as hell but you still need your jolt of caffeine.

It would be a crime to serve this on ice.

20. When being off for the summer means people have more time for chisme.

Did you hear what Caro wore to the thing? No, not that Caro. The other one. No, to the other thing!

21. When even your phone is like "fuck it."

Too hot for this.

22. When you start reminiscing about those cold winter days...


23. Knowing so many people here are on vacation while you're staring at a spreadsheet.

Visiting and living here are way, way different.

24. And, finally, when everyone is busting out their summer looks.

Hope you like cake.

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