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25 Things No One Tells You About Leaving Miami

305 ---> Worldwide

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1. You will confuse people with your insidery Miami lingo.

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The moment you mention "getting down from the car" or say that you're spending a quiet Sunday afternoon just "eating shit," you will get a lot of stares.

2. You will have to answer a lot of stupid questions about Miami stereotypes.

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"Do you know [random friend from Miami]?" "Do you guys all speak Spanglish?" "Do you live in a sandcastle?" "Is it like Scarface?" Stop.

3. You will miss Publix with the intensity of a thousand stars.

Marcin Wichary / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: mwichary

Depending on where you move, of course. Publix can be found in Florida, Georgia, Alabama, South Carolina, Tennessee, and North Carolina. But most states in this otherwise great nation simply do not know the beauty of a Publix cookie or the majesty that is a Publix chicken tender sub. Weep for them. And, now, for yourself.


7. You'll miss the food.

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Miami features all types of different cuisine (Haitian! Venezuelan! Brazilian! Jamaican! Colombian! Argentine!), but its Cuban food is, obviously, quite noteworthy. Good luck trying to find a half-decent croqueta in most other places.

8. People will look at you every time "Florida man" is in the news.

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Ok, in our defense, Miami is less "do a lot of meth and drive a tractor into a convenience store while declaring your love for a manatee" crazy and more "my cousin starred in a homemade booty dancing video about croquetas" crazy. Way different.


11. You'll realize Miami has a very unique dress code.

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As in, it is way more naked than most other places. But be real, haters. Wearing barely nothing is pretty much a necessity in Miami. (As is carrying a sweater at all times because every indoor space is an igloo.)


13. A lot of places are less "feely" than Miami.

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Latin culture has left an indelible mark on Miami, including the way people greet and associate with one another. But leaning in for an air kiss in most other places will earn you a few awkward looks, culminating in that time-honored game of "Kiss, Handshake, or Run Away Crying?"


19. No, no one else will sing the Dandy Bear jingle with you.

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Dandy Bear / Via

...Because they've never been exposed to the earworm-churning wonder.

20. Similarly, people outside of Miami simply don't understand the WONDER of Santa's Enchanted Forest.

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Santa's Enchanted Forest / Via

So beautiful.


25. People won't get it.

MTV / Via

Miami tends to have a polarizing impact on people. But no matter: you know it's a city that's magical and weird and magically weird. And no matter where you end up, it'll always be home.