1. It's very easy for us to draw a self-portrait standing in the snow:
2. Most of us, pale and otherwise, know too well that makeup companies have no idea that "nude" is not a color.
3. We know that the fastest way to piss us off is to call us "pasty."
4. SPF 163 is our friend.
5. We've heard all your pale jokes before.
6. The reason we look like blinding white ghosts in photographs is because we are actually dead.
7. Now, we're not all white Irish folks.
8. We are all in long-term relationships with hats and/or parasols.
9. Some of us are being very honest when we tell you that we don't tan, we burn.
Also, not everyone wants a tan. Some of us are perfectly content with our complexions.
10. ...That said, a lot of us have definitely succumbed to pressure and tried self-tanner.
11. And don't even mention tanning beds, because we love our skin too much to treat it that badly.
12. We're well aware that "Are you feeling OK?" is a nice way of asking, "Why do you look dead?"
13. We don't understand the thrill of people placing their arms against ours to see JUST how pale we are.
14. We understand that EXTREMELY VIVID bruises are just a fact of life.
Now we're every color of the rainbow.
15. No, we're not all goths.
16. We are all, however, definitely vampires.
So we'll outlive you all. Mwahaha!