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21 Secrets All Extremely Pale Girls Have

Beyond the pale.

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1. It's very easy for us to draw a self-portrait standing in the snow:

There I am.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed

There I am.

2. Most of us, pale and otherwise, know too well that makeup companies have no idea that "nude" is not a color.

LOGO / Via

Raise your hand if, regardless of skin color, you've ever felt personally victimized by "nude" foundation.

3. We know that the fastest way to piss us off is to call us "pasty."

Columbia Pictures / Via

If by "pasty" you mean "flawless, vaguely blue-toned goddess," then yes.

4. SPF 163 is our friend. / Via

(Although that doesn't mean you don't also need UVA protection. Also, dermatologists note that, when you go above SPF 50 , the increase in UVB protection is minimal.)

5. We've heard all your pale jokes before.

And this includes being called "Powder" 14,782.3 times.

And this includes being called "Powder" 14,782.3 times.

6. The reason we look like blinding white ghosts in photographs is because we are actually dead.


7. Now, we're not all white Irish folks.

Every race contains a multitude of shades, and some of those happen to be very pale. / Via

Every race contains a multitude of shades, and some of those happen to be very pale.

8. We are all in long-term relationships with hats and/or parasols.

Warner Bros. / Via

It's like, yes, we're very fashion-forward. But also we don't want to develop a sunburn or melanoma, so.

9. Some of us are being very honest when we tell you that we don't tan, we burn.

Also, not everyone wants a tan. Some of us are perfectly content with our complexions.

10. ...That said, a lot of us have definitely succumbed to pressure and tried self-tanner.

E! / Via

Note, from personal experience: Orange zebra is NOT a cute look.

11. And don't even mention tanning beds, because we love our skin too much to treat it that badly.


Not a fan of developing cancer nor of looking like an old boot, but thank you.

12. We're well aware that "Are you feeling OK?" is a nice way of asking, "Why do you look dead?"

A24 / Via

My aesthetic is "Edwardian corpse."

13. We don't understand the thrill of people placing their arms against ours to see JUST how pale we are.

14. We understand that EXTREMELY VIVID bruises are just a fact of life.

Now we're every color of the rainbow.

15. No, we're not all goths.

Paramount Pictures / Via

Can we help it if black goes with everything and looks smashing on us?

16. We are all, however, definitely vampires.

So we'll outlive you all. Mwahaha!

17. We know that wearing white can make us look like an optical illusion, but we look great anyway.

Buena Vista Pictures Distribution / Via

Where does the T-shirt end and our skin begin? Magic.

18. We tend to wear our emotions on our sleeves. Or, more accurately, on our faces.

Paramount Pictures / Via

How could you tell I was embarrassed? Did the fact that my face turned NEON MAGENTA give it away?

19. When going to a restaurant, the answer to "inside or outside?" is always "AS FAR INSIDE AS I CAN BE."

Warner Bros. / Via


20. We're adept at finding a shady spot and sticking to it.

IFC / Via

BRB, have to dodge cars to walk on the shady side of the street.

21. We love the skin we're in.


Blinding as it can be.

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