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18 Things You Should Never Say To Someone With A Flat Butt

Who doesn't love pancakes?

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1. "How do your pants stay up?"

Nickelodeon / Via

With hope and prayers and this wonderful invention called A BELT.

2. "Pancakes?"

NO, it's technically a BUTT. Oh, you meant... Yeah. Sure. I'll take sixteen.

3. "Real women have curves."

Disney / Via

You fool.

4. "Guys/girls/humans don't find flat butts sexy."

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Oh, gosh, this is awkward. I'd better go tell all these thirsty fans.

5. "Well, I find flat butts sexy." ;) :-)~

NBC / Via

...Do I know you?

6. "Does it hurt when you sit?"

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7. "Why don't you just gain weight?"

Nerdist / Via

Because our butts are a mysterious vortex that simply takes all light and matter and potato chips and pizza and places them into an unknown dimension. And onto our upper arms.

8. "Ohh, have you heard of these fabulous butt-lifting jeans?"

NBC / Via

Yeah, people with flat butts have never Googled "big butt jeans need butt help science" while drunk. Never.

9. "You can't wear that."

But I like the way this fabric hangs off my butt bones. P.S. I can wear whatever I waaaant.

10. "What do you think about butt implants? Do you think Kim Kardashian has them?"

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What are you trying to tell me?

11. "Are you jealous of [celebrity with generous posterior]?"

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No, there's enough room for butts of all shapes and sizes. Even butts that just sort of vaguely hint at the concept of a butt.

12. "Hey, ironing board."

Pledis Entertainment / Via weheartit

Hey, deceased person.

13. "Only [certain people] have flat butts..."

Fox / Via

You know where this is going, right? People of all races and ethnicities come in all different shapes and sizes, regardless of stereotypes.

Anyone who says otherwise can take a seat. They can borrow my cushion if they need it.

14. "How do you dance without a butt?"

FoxADHD / Via

Like this.

(No, I'll never get tired of this .gif.)

15. "Can I suggest a trick to give the illusion of a booty?"

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You can try, but we 1) already know them all and 2) know that, at the end of the day, we're still buttless wonders.

16. "Where's your butt?"

ABC / Via

Found it!

17. "If you do squats, you can build a butt."

Columbia Pictures / Via

You can't build a sandcastle without sand, bb.

18. "My anaconda don't wa--"


Stop. Slither home.


Comedy Central / Via

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