1. "It's the Super Bowl already?"
I thought it happened in Augustemberary.
2. "Why do I keep getting invited to these things?"
You are all such kind football-lovin' maniacs to keep inviting me, but why would you want someone who doesn't understand the game at your place, eating all your snacks? Speaking of which...
3. "Is it OK to just go to a Super Bowl party for the snacks?"
I don't understand what's happening on TV or why everyone is screaming, but I DO understand a good artichoke dip.
4. "What time is the Puppy Bowl?"
Can we just watch that?
5. "How do I get a job working as a Puppy Bowl referee?"
This is my new career goal.
6. "Why is it called football if people are throwing and catching the ball with their hands?"
Honestly, I think every other country is right to call soccer "football" instead. We really ~dropped the ball~ on this one, guys.
7. "Would it be ignorant to ask what teams are playing?"
And is it really going to make any difference to me?
8. "THE HALFTIME SHOW. Finally, something on TV I can watch!"
Yaaaaaaaaaaay.
9. "I'm going to just root for the team with the better uniform."
Why don't they wear robot suits? That'd be cool.
10. "Are these commercials even that good?"
Can I just drown them out with more snacks?
11. "There's so much running in this game."
This is making me tired just watching it. I should eat more chicken wings, for strength.
12. "I have no idea who's winning."
Was that a goal?
13. "I really want to talk more about the commercials but everyone is so into the game."
Like, don't you find ads with sad animals emotionally manipulative? Can we talk about it?
14. "Oh my god, I ate all the dip."
I'm such a pig. A BORED, HUNGRY PIG.
15. "I'm just going to check my phone while the game is on..."
Great. Everyone on Twitter and Facebook is just talking about the game.
16. "These players have great legs."
I should really renew that gym membership. And stop eating entire bowls of dip.
17. "I'm going to yell, 'Go team!'"
OK, now my friends think I'm paying attention. Genius move.
18. "OK, I have NO idea what's going on in this sport."
Why is that man running? Is he OK?
19. "Yay! Hours and hours later, it's finally over! Time for more dip."
See you guys at next year's Football World Series!
