Welcome back, y'all! Last time we chatted, we debated over whether this woman was wrong for getting engaged a week before her sister's wedding and wanting to use the ceremony as a part of her own celebration. Now, I need your thoughts on this dad who called out his son's teacher when they tried to force him into inviting the whole class to his son's birthday party.
According to the dad – who goes by u/AITAFOTEACHER on Reddit, but we'll call him Rob — he was surprised to get an unexpected call from his 6-year-old son, Al's, teacher, Ms. Goldbaum.
All names in this story have been changed for privacy.
Here's what Rob said: "She tells me that she understands Al is having a birthday party and that he invited a few of his friends from class, but not everyone. I said, 'Yeah, there are a few kids in there that he has problems with and, also, I don't think we can really handle hosting 24 kids and their parents.'"
"She then tells me that there is a rule: If any kids in the class are invited, all kids in the class are invited. I told her it is an event outside of school hours and on private property in my home. She can no more tell me what I do there and who I can and can't invite anymore than I can decide who is invited to her Thanksgiving dinner."
"After a bit of back and forth on this, I lost my cool. I said, 'Lady, it's pretty clear that you're too used to bossing around kids who have to listen to you and that you don't seem to understand that your little fiefdom ends at the end of the school day and doesn't go further than schoolhouse gates. I am not a 6-year-old in your class. I'm a 38-year-old union electrician planning a private event in my own home, off school hours. If you think you're the one to make the rules for me, in my home on which I pay the mortgage, you can go fuck yourself and there isn't a goddamn thing you can do about it.' She then kind of stammered and I ended the call."
The general consensus? Well, it's a bit split. The majority of commenters agree that Ms. Goldbaum cannot tell Rob who or who he cannot have at his home:
"Not the asshole. NO ONE gets to tell you who to have at your own house. Frankly, I would be talking to her supervisor as well. That is not ok, and she has OBVIOUSLY gotten away with this before."
Furthermore, parents pointed out that the classroom invite rule usually only applies when students pass out the invitations during class time – which Al did not do:
"Not the asshole. The only way you'd be out of line would be if you let him hand out invitations during class time. Ask for a meeting between the school administrator and this teacher. At the beginning of the meeting, apologize for losing your temper and your language, but then go on to politely explain what happened during the phone call, and ask the administrator if this is school policy? I’m guessing it’s not, and this teacher is way out of line with this request."
"The only thing our school says is no invites passed out in class. And how staff work around this is the parent can pass invites to the teacher and the teacher puts them into kids' going-home folders. Not the asshole. Her arguing is what escalated the call."
Though some readers did point out that Rob didn't need to curse at her, even if she overstepped:
"Not the asshole, mostly. Yes, you should have left off the 'go f– yourself' part. However, you are correct in that her authority doesn't extend beyond the school."
"Raging and swearing at people is very rarely appropriate. Of course, you don't have to follow her rule, but it would probably be better that inviting be done outside of school too (like, your kid shouldn't hand out invitations at school but instead phone or email the invitees)."
"You're the asshole for using that language. You absolutely have no business speaking to her that way and took it too far. It isn’t your job to teach her a lesson, it’s your responsibility to set a boundary and keep to it. THAT is where the conversation should have ended."
While others think the "go f– yourself part was warranted":
"The 'go fuck yourself' is fine when you add the context. Someone called up Rob at his home and demanded he play host to an additional 15 people and their families, all because she made a rule, and thinks being a teacher means she gets to play mommy when the kids go home, too. If literally anyone else called you up demanding you do this and that in your own home with zero authority over you, you’d tell them to go fuck themselves then hang up."
"Not the asshole. While I’m not a fan of cursing at people during a disagreement, it seems you had a lot of patience in trying to dissuade her from that completely unreasonable course she was on, but she wasn’t inclined to listen to reason here."
And now, some fear retaliation on Al from Ms. Goldbaum:
"Think of your kid. Even though the rule seems pedantic and unenforceable, your kid still needs to spend the rest of the year in her classroom. When you noticed your emotions heightening, you should have just said, 'Thank you for your perspective. Have a good day' and hung up."