Welcome back, y'all! Last time we chatted, we debated over whether this boyfriend was an a-hole for asking his unemployed girlfriend to split their rent 50/50, despite making $500,000. Now, I need your thoughts on this woman's engagement, which took place a week before her sister's wedding.
As Reddit user u/throwra_newlytaken explained in her now viral post on the AskReddit forum, she and her fiancé, Eric, got engaged last Tuesday, and her sister, Ann, and Ann's fiancé, Dean, are getting married on Saturday.
Here's the drama, as described by u/throwra_newlytaken: "I told everyone in a mass text, including Ann, that Eric proposed to me at the restaurant we went to on our first date. I noticed everyone except Ann responded right away. She answered the next day with congratulations. She said she was busy putting together final arrangements for her wedding. Ok, no big deal."
"I confirmed that I would be in town this Wednesday — I live two states over. However, right after that message, she sent me another one asking that I not talk about my engagement. I asked why, and she said she’s spent over a year stressing over the wedding and hasn’t seen our family in that time, so she wants it to be about her and Dean. She asked that we wait until the day after to discuss my engagement."
"I said that’s ridiculous and that we can talk about both, plus people will be asking me about my engagement, anyway, as they already know. She said she expects that, but then the conversation needs to go to her because everyone is coming to celebrate her and Dean, not Eric and me. But I haven’t seen our family in the same amount of time, and I want to use this time to talk about my engagement, my ring, and our own wedding plans. I’m excited, and this is the only chance I’ll get to do it."
"Ann told me it’s not about me and “reminded me” that with her rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and girl get-togethers (her bachelorette, nail appointments, etc.), she wants to talk about her wedding and everything she’s been doing. I told her not everything is about her, and I should be allowed to talk about my engagement, too. I said I want her to help me plan mine since she’s just done it, and we could use this time for her to show me how to plan a wedding, but she said no, and that it’s not about me."
"Then our brother, Luke, texted me and told me I was being ridiculous because I’ve been married before. However, I was 20 and did it at the courthouse. I married a military guy, and we divorced soon after, so I don’t think that should matter since I didn’t even get a real proposal or ring. We just decided to do it, and my band was sterling silver with no stones."
"I said Ann was being a bridezilla, thinking everything is about her, but he said she has a right to want the week of her wedding to be about her. I’m not saying the wedding day can’t be about her, but she doesn’t own the days leading up to it. I want to show off my ring and talk about my wedding. She hasn’t had the chance to show everyone her ring in person, either, because our family is spread out, but I think we can do that together.
Eric agrees that Ann is being self-centered, but Luke thinks I’m trying to steal the spotlight and not let Ann have her moment. Am I the asshole? I don’t see why we can’t do everything together."
Now, I will admit, the original poster's title — "AITA for getting engaged the week before my sister's wedding?" — made me think we were going to get a bridezilla story, but instead, we got a sister who wants to use her sibling's wedding as their own celebration. In the comments, people are SHOCKED that she would suggest using the wedding as an opportunity to discuss her own engagement and plans:
"You're the asshole. You said, 'I want to use this time to talk about my engagement, my ring, and our own wedding plans.' You are literally saying you want to use her event that she and her partner created with her hard work to make it happen, and her money to make it happen, to talk about you and your life event. WTF are you thinking?"
"If the original poster (OP) uses Ann's special days, her wedding prep which she worked so hard on to leverage her own stuff, then OP is one of the worst assholes on here. She is trying to steal the attention away from something so special that was so hard-worked for. She doesn't seem to get how much goes into wedding planning. Once she plans her own, any rational person would feel extreme guilt for trying to take over someone else's special planned events."
Furthermore, readers tried to explain to OP that the issue isn't her getting engaged the week of her sister's wedding or being excited to be engaged — as she seemed to pose:
"You're the asshole. It’s not a problem that you got engaged before her wedding or that you want to talk about it, but the fact you think it’s ok to 'use this time to talk to your family about the engagement' is ridiculous. It sounds like you’re trying to use her wedding as a spring to talk about your own future wedding to your entire family since they’ll already be in town for hers.
Respect her wishes. It’s her wedding. You can talk about your own future wedding plans after her wedding is over. It isn’t that hard to just shut up and not show off your engagement until after your sister's wedding is over."
"You are the asshole. Double, triple, quadruple asshole. You are in essence hijacking her wedding and all associated events to promote your own engagement. This time should be about your sister, not about you, your engagement, or ring. They have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to create memorable events to celebrate their wedding. They did not spend all this money, and have people coming from all over the country to give you a free venue to talk about YOU and YOUR ENGAGEMENT. You are absolutely insufferable."
And people don't understand why she's incapable of waiting until the wedding is over:
"You couldn't wait one lousy week to announce your engagement? You just had to do it right before your sister's wedding? Come on, now. How can you not see how shitty that is to do to your sister? You are overshadowing her big event and trying to put the focus on yourself instead of her. Way to steal your sister's thunder. You've already told your immediate family your big news, but you really should wait to announce it to everyone else until your sister's wedding day is over."