Remember yesterday? Probably not.
Just to remind you, there were fears over Europe, shenanigans around the Tory leadership, vicious splits in Labour, and everyone was talking about Wangland, which was to do with Brexit but could equally have been about Michael Gove's crotch.
It was kind of a weird time.
Well, this morning, things went – to put not too fine a point on it – absolutely fucking batshit. First, Michael Gove announced that far from supporting Boris Johnson in his leadership bid, he'd now stand against him.
Which as you can imagine went down very well indeed.
The mere mention of Gove meant people started watching this Vine again and many are still mesmerised even now. Pray for them.
The air was thick with betrayal.
Still, at least we had a potential leader who believes in himse– oh.
A man who commands the respect of his peers.
We all knew Gove had damaged Boris. In fact, we had no idea how much. We'll come back to that.
Because first, we have some urgent business to attend to in the House of Commons.
Thank god all this carnage wasn't affecting the smooth running of our parliamentary democracy.
And that's enough of that.
Now. Labour had been quiet.
But this morning they decided to deliver an actual report in which their members were told to stop saying "Hitler".
Jeremy Corbyn decided to offer his views, and some people interpreted them as a comparison of Israel and ISIS.
He was reported to the party's compliance unit, and an activist left a Jewish Labour MP in tears.
Before we could even begin to process that, the morning took an incredible twist.
You see, Boris's launch turned out to be...not a launch.
It's fair to say people were somewhat surprised.
That's right: The Tory who'd perhaps done more than anyone else in his party to push us into Brexit announced he wouldn't be standing for the leadership.
He was accused of cowardice.
Of course, some reporters had been saying Boris had been outmanoeuvred a week ago. Others...hadn't.
Which was odd for a guy whose PR strategy is usually on point.
And now this is where we are.
We've not even talked about the economy today.
...I don't even think I can provide a summary.
Alan White is a news editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in London.
Contact Alan White at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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