3. Your neighbor is not this hot.
And no power outage will ever be this perfectly timed.
5. …especially once you make this (objectively ridiculous) declaration.
In the immortal words of David Rakoff (whose brilliant piece inspired this and which you should listen to immediately because there is nothing like his voice), “My only question is, well, why aren’t you going to pay this year’s rent? It seems that they’re not going to pay this year’s rent because rent is for losers and non-creative types. Rent is for suits.” Fair.
14. Nor this.
17. No group of friends could have this much romantic dramz and still totally love each other.
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