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    How To Throw An Absurdly Phallic Bachelorette Party

    Turns out literally everything can be penis-shaped. NSFW, obvs.

    1. Send out your invitations in advance.

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    Your guests need time to get in the zone. Available here.

    2. The night of, take a shower.

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    Get a set of 9 soaps here, which is definitely enough soap to last you until the wedding.

    3. Get your nails did.

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    Available here.

    4. Get dressed.

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    Everyone sees a different pattern in the ink blot. It's science.

    5. Don't forget your bling!

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    The listing is careful to specify that this ring is for your finger.

    6.

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    These glow in the dark; perfect for keeping track of your friends in a crowded club.

    7. Decorate.

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    Aww. Available here.

    8.

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    If you're at a bar, you probably shouldn't hang pictures, but otherwise go to town. These would also make delightful gifts for a pair of newlyweds without much home decor. Buy it here.

    9.

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    Get one of these incredible prints from Happenis.

    10.

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    Available here.

    11. Set the mood.

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    Again: not so great for a bar. You'll make all the other patrons jealous. Buy them here.

    12. Is it a Christmastime bachelorette party? That's the best kind.

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    Ornament available here.

    13. Set out food for your guests.

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    Get the toppers here.

    14. Or just munch on some goodies.

    15. If you're going for savory rather than sweet, there's no such thing as too much salt and pepper.

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    Get them here.

    16. (Make sure to wear an apron.)

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    Available here.

    17. (You don't want to get flour on your pasties.)

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    Available here.

    18. If you or your guests are tired, drink a cup of coffee or two.

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    Available here.

    19. Unless you prefer tea.

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    Available here.

    20. Then start popping bottles.

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    Buy it here.

    21.

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    This reads "She Finally Picked One." Cool. Available here.

    22. Play some games.

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    The object of this Pictionary*-esque game is to disguise a picture of a penis with as creative a drawing as you can think of.

    *The obvious thing to say here is "dicktionary," but you and I are both much too clever for that.

    23.

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    This is Bingo except instead of numbers there are just euphemisms for penises.

    24. Present the bride with her tiara.

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    Fit for the Duchess of Cambridge herself. Available here.

    25. When it's time to go, give everyone the perfect party favor.

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    Nobody can say no to a flying penis charm. It'll be a family heirloom for generations to come.

    26.

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    Especially when it comes in this tasteful gift bag.

    If for some unknown reason you'd like a slightly classier list of bachelorette party ideas, check out this post.