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The 17 Most Dad Things That Ever Dadded

"But what if the leather Bluetooth-enabled beer cozy was ALSO a golf club?"

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1. This visor that keeps your head cool by retaining cold water.

Dad level: 3.5 rare steaks
hammacher.com

Dad level: 3.5 rare steaks

2. This personalized whiskey barrel.

Dad level: 3 matching 401(k) contributions
hammacher.com

Dad level: 3 matching 401(k) contributions

3. The New York Times History of Golf.

Dad level: 5 skipped rest stops
hammacher.com

Dad level: 5 skipped rest stops

4. This massage chair that syncs to music.

Only if the music in question is U2 or Creedence Clearwater Revival. Dad level: 4 jokes about how he's going to shoot your new boyfriend, haha, just kidding
hammacher.com

Only if the music in question is U2 or Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Dad level: 4 jokes about how he's going to shoot your new boyfriend, haha, just kidding

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5. This lamp that clips onto the grill for middle-of-the-night kebab sessions.

Dad level: 2.5 cell phone holsters
hammacher.com

Dad level: 2.5 cell phone holsters

6. This leather money clip inlaid with a buffalo nickel.

Dad level: 3 what even is a buffalo nickel...s
hammacher.com

Dad level: 3 what even is a buffalo nickel...s

7. This remote-controlled boat that claims to catch fish for you.

Dad level: 5 grumbles about how high-def is so much better
hammacher.com

Dad level: 5 grumbles about how high-def is so much better

8. This beard-trimming mat.

Dad level: 4 secretly teary eyes at the end of Homeward Bound
hammacher.com

Dad level: 4 secretly teary eyes at the end of Homeward Bound

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9. This "chill-maintaining" beer mug.

Dad level: 1 free T-shirt from work
hammacher.com

Dad level: 1 free T-shirt from work

10. A miniature Ferrari you drive with your iPhone.

Dad level: 4 frequent flyer miles
hammacher.com

Dad level: 4 frequent flyer miles

11. A bathroom golf game.

At least the seat's down. Dad level: 5 fond memories of the Reagan administration
brookstone.com

At least the seat's down.

Dad level: 5 fond memories of the Reagan administration

12. This framed copy of the U.S. Constitution.

Complete with all three bicentennial coins. Dad level: 4 of those little plastic thingies you put in a shirt collar so that it stands up
brookstone.com

Complete with all three bicentennial coins.

Dad level: 4 of those little plastic thingies you put in a shirt collar so that it stands up

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13. This weathervane shaped like an eagle.

Dad level: 1 Christmas tree thrown out on December 26
brookstone.com

Dad level: 1 Christmas tree thrown out on December 26

14. This ashtray with slots for four cigars to lie comfortably.

Dad level: 3.5 Facebook status updates that were supposed to be Google searches
brookstone.com

Dad level: 3.5 Facebook status updates that were supposed to be Google searches

15. These cufflinks designed like a gear shift.

The back is shaped like a steering wheel. Dad level: 4 AOL email addresses
brookstone.com

The back is shaped like a steering wheel.

Dad level: 4 AOL email addresses

16. This travel case intended to store your ties.

Dad level: 5 Adirondack chairs with drink holders in both arms
brookstone.com

Dad level: 5 Adirondack chairs with drink holders in both arms

17. This beer holster.

Dad level: 2 transition lenses
brookstone.com

Dad level: 2 transition lenses