The 17 Worst Crimes Ever Perpetrated Against Jorts

They don’t deserve this treatment.

17. This abomination against America.

The LEGS aren’t even the SAME LENGTH.

16. This eternal struggle.

15. These stock photo jorts.

AndreyPopov / Via iStock / 360

This is a result when you search “woman” + “plumber.” Accurate.

14. These way-too-tight jorts. is a veritable treasure trove of jortsy gems like this.

13. These fringed monstrosities.

Urban Outfitters / Via

This is like if Coachella died and came back to life as a pair of $38 leg coverings.

12. These DDR jorts.

Cool knees.

11. These swimwear jorts.

10. This self-jortsing attempt that can only end in bloodshed.

9. These acid-wash jort-all nightmares.

Love Melrose / Via

8. These terrifying Halloween jorts.

7. These poor abandoned jorts.

Come back, Beefy!

6. And these legs left out in the cold to die.

They could have become SO MANY THINGS.

5. This denim diaper.


4. This jorts jockstrap.

3. This inspirational message.

Whatcha touchin’ there, pal?

2. Tobias Fünke


Okay, hear me out: Tobias is obviously iconic and perfect BUT he’s not exactly great PR for jorts. If you don’t believe me, here is a thought experiment: look at the above gifs and imagine how they smell. Take a biiiiiig mind-whiff. Right? Right.

1. This.

RIP all of us.

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