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Can You Choose The Right Place On The Subway To Stand?

Let's play Commute Roulette.

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  1. What's the best commute option this morning?

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    Via Medioimages/Photodisc / Thinkstock

Can You Choose The Right Place On The Subway To Stand?

You got: You've found a corpse!

Um, maybe move. I'm pretty sure that man is dead.

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You got: Get ready for some porn!

This man is watching porn on his phone. With the volume up. So you COULD stay. But, uh, let's move on.

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You got: You've encountered a glitch in the Matrix!

At first you think these are just professionals making their way to work just like you. And then you notice that they all shift their newspapers in the exact same ways, at the exact same time. You look around at the other passengers to see if anyone else saw this glitch in the Matrix – but they're all moving in unison, too. Best to exit the car all together.

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You got: There is a mean lady here!

This lady's gonna yell at you for stepping on her foot even though you're at least a foot away from her foot. Glare at her and move for your own sanity.

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You got: Option 5

YES! This part's fine. This guy's just trying to get some shut-eye in, and he won't bother you at all.

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You got: Snot Man lurks here!

It's not the mother and the child that you have to worry about; that kid's fast asleep, and won't make a peep. It's the person behind them, whose face is leaking some sort of green liquid that he keeps wiping on the pole in front of him. Scoot on over to the other end of the car.

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You got: A screaming fight lies here!

In approximately five minutes, this couple will turn on each other and start having a screaming fight in the middle of the commuter crowd. You won't be able to entirely make out what they're tearing each other's head off about, but you keep hearing tidbits about Vince's mother and...something about the movie Snow Dogs? Their argument is more drowned-out at the other end of the car.

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You got: SHOWTIME!

You're good. Until you spot a teen. And then another teen. And then it's SHOWTIME.

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You got: Welcome to the worst smell you've ever smelled!

NOPE! This part smells very strongly of the worst smell you've ever smelled in your life! Was it a corpse? The urine of a very, very ill person? Just some straight-up human feces? WHO KNOWS.

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*Please note that this is not actual advice for your commute. You do you.

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