15 Sentences That Mean Something Totally Different To People Who Hate The Sounds Of Eating

Why do you hate me so much?

1. "I'm just gonna have a bowl of cereal."

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Translation: "I am a sorceress interested in conjuring the pains of Hell into your tender ears."

2. "Wow, I'm really enjoying this quesadilla!"

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Translation: "Your pain is my pleasure and you can just quesa-DEAL WITH IT."

3. "This corn on the cob is just to die for!"

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Translation: "I know I've always seemed normal but secretly I'm just a humble garbage hamster that a witch turned into a person to do her evil bidding."

4. "It sure is a great day for some chicken noodle soup."

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Translation: "Why yes, I have always hated you."

5. "Buffalo wings are a personal favorite!"

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Translation: "I didn't cry in the scene where Beth dies in Little Women, is that normal?"

6. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away, am I right?"

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Translation: "That sloppy crunch you here is an indicator of my loose morals, my inability to keep anyone's secrets, and my utter disregard for the happiness of others."

7. "Beans are great for my vegetarian lifestyle!"

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Translation: "No one ever talks about why fascism was actually kind of a good idea."

8. "I think I'll sneak a few potato chips this afternoon to hold me over!"

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Translation: "My other hobbies include wrecking fragile but ultimately happy marriages and following Lord Voldemort into battle."

9. "This meat is so tender, it just slides off the bone!"

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Translation: "If I had the equipment and one trustworthy accomplice, I would make a suit out of your skin."

10. "Oysters have so much zinc!"

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Translation: "My secret crush is on Satan. I signed my name in his book once. NBD."

11. "Grabbing a slice for lunch today to save some money."

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Translation: "I think it should be called 'equalism' instead of 'feminism'!"

12. "I don't usually eat hotdogs but this one is actually 100% beef!"

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Translation: "The greatest trick the Devil ever played was convincing the world he didn't exist. The second greatest trick he ever played was the creating the sound of wet hotdogs between teeth."

13. "I love the way carrots crunch, don't you?"

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Translation: "I suffocated my twin when we were just babies, everyone still thinks it was an accident."

14. "Mangos are so sweet and juicy!"

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Translation: "I am a descendent of the leaders of the Spanish Inquisition and it is high time I carried on the brutal legacy of my forefathers here at my desk."

15. "I'm going to have a banana."

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Translation: "THIS IS HELL AND I AM KING!"