1.
girls will have one loose ibuprofen rolling around at the bottom of their fjallraven and be like “yep i’m the mom friend 😂”
2.
I have a great vegan sushi recipe if anyone is interested
3.
Me explaining to ⠀ ⠀ ⠀My cat my cat that I ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀pretending won’t tell anyone ⠀⠀ ⠀he cant speak if he can speak
4.
Saw a thicc ass starfish at the aquarium today 😌
5.
when i switch lanes only for that lane to end up being slower
6.
Me: how do I do my taxes Public School: shut the fuck up and square dance
7.
when i get put on death row in 2023 for unspeakable crimes and i have to pick a last meal i will pick olive garden and eat the unlimited breadsticks forever so my last meal never ends and they cant kill me
8.
"yo they lookin for u outside, i bit a kid."
9.
This the girls basketball team on picture day https://t.co/Q54xuAv14n
10.
ppl w not divorced parents be like lmao look what my mom just said in the groupchat
11.
no one: us at 3am in 2007:
12.
*sits in therapists chair* me: :) therapist: “so how are you doing?” me:
13.
No one: People who got salads for lunch in high school:
14.
Sure I could go to a high school reunion, but what would I say to them? Congrats on the pyramid scheme? Congrats on the teen marriage? Nothing I say would sound sincere
15.
my therapist: do u ever deal with your emotions in a healthy not self destructive way me:
16.
Well that didn’t workout https://t.co/z5B260sUY7
17.
Just ate 17 CBD gummy‘s, I can see God and he’s wearing a snapback
18.
my dad trying to teach me math in 4th grade
19.
high school teachers you could be real with: -history teachers -english teachers high school teachers that were cops: -math teachers -gym teachers
20.
How is weed only legal in certain states? I thought we was united.😂
21.
Me trying to find a cold spot on my bed in this damn heat
22.
Moses: LET MY PEOPLE GO Rameses:
23.
When you accidentally walk into the wrong bedroom at a house party https://t.co/WWhdhUd2Fk
24.
me and the book i said i would read months ago looking at each other
25.
dolly parton jolene
26.
Can someone write an article on millenials killing the doorbell industry by texting "here"
27.
|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣| babies stare a lot for someone who doesn’t know how to fight |＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿| \ (•◡•) / \ / --- | |
28.
no one: 2011 wattpad fic: i was getting ready for school, putting my long brown hair into a messy bun. as i looked at my blue eyes in the mirror, my mom came in. “i sold you to pay our debts” she said. “come meet your new master.” i went downstairs and there he was...harry styles
29.
bitches take their laptops and notebooks to coffee shops and get no work done while acting like they’re in an indie movie. i’m bitches.