Buzz·Posted on Nov 13, 201935 Dating And Sex Tweets From The Last Decade That Are Just As Funny As They Are Accurate"Almost 22 years ago, two people had sex and now I have to go to work every day."by Ajani Bazile-DutesBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. incorrigible mozart goose @_jazzghost_ casual sex implies the existence of ranked competitive sex 03:29 PM - 08 Oct 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. julia gastwirth @JuliaGastwirth posting a sc story for 1 specific person to see is the modern day equivalent of gatsby hosting elaborate parties in hopes that daisy attends 04:29 PM - 17 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Emma @emulikethebird My perfect date? We meet at a gala. I am wearing a black gown and you’re dressed in a tuxedo. After we dance, you leave suddenly. I follow you outside. You’ve stolen the Declaration of Independence. You’re Nicholas Cage. This is National Treasure 08:44 PM - 06 Dec 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. CHRI$ @chris_hornayy Shower sex? why would I fuck in my crying chamber 01:21 AM - 03 Sep 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. butters @yung_butters british people be having sex like: mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving 02:17 AM - 08 Jul 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Ms. Lenina Crowne XXX @TeknoGeisha Guy: *gets blowjob* Guy: did u cum babe 08:13 PM - 23 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. ashley ysabelle ♡ @ysabellesar when you’re waiting for him to pass you the towel https://t.co/Fs4QyUQ6Gk 10:53 PM - 30 Aug 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. lyss☾ @lyssreall me waking up my man at 3am for dick 04:43 PM - 15 Oct 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Summer @sumelfr Me after trying pussy for the first time 11:00 PM - 16 Sep 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. bam its sam✨ @saaamscottt6 almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now i have to go to work everyday 11:55 PM - 16 Oct 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Minna 🔸 @minnascule me during sex: hurt me them: you were never that smart you just were good at reading as a child so you were given special attention and it gave you a complex me: wait- them: you don’t try at school because youre convinced ur natural intellect will save you but u don’t have it 02:04 AM - 19 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. blake @Leemanish Romance: During lovemaking you ask your gf to put her finger in your butt. She does & when she pulls it out there's an engagement ring on it 10:11 PM - 15 Oct 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Milan Christopher @MilanChrisGordy Men will literally nut 💦 45 seconds into sex and then have the audacity to ask if you came? 🤔🙄 YEAH I CAME.. TO THE WRONG GAWDDAMN HOUSE! 🤦🏽♂️🙄😩 01:51 AM - 20 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42 [watching porn] I hope they stay together 06:42 PM - 16 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. ANW Pizza Parker 🏁🇹🇹 @ShowofTheColton Any time I actually have sex 11:04 PM - 19 Oct 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. jr @jayjuniorrr eating ass for the first time: 10:26 PM - 09 Aug 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Karl From Online (Karl Mode) @HammerFist3 high school boys need to chill with weird expectations for girls like what are you bringing to the table oh right a bucket hat 05:38 PM - 15 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. trick or yeet 🎃 @sarahndipity18 if you dating a white guy you're single to me. tf Matt gonna do, start a podcast? 02:53 PM - 30 Aug 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. adam @brokeangeI i’m FAR from catching feelings me 📍 📏 (2 steps) 📏 📍planning a wedding 09:56 PM - 25 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Ristolable @Ristolable What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts. 11:01 PM - 13 Aug 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Raq the whore 💗👅 @dominicanraq I dead ass ate pineapples for a month and this boy told me my pussy tasted like cheetos sooo y'all lying out here 01:27 PM - 05 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Concrete witch @Super_Cynthia me: Let me slip into something more uncomfortable. him: Uncomfortable? me (getting naked): Yes. 02:01 AM - 29 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Lolly Gagger 🐾 🇨🇦 @TrueTorontoGirl If she’s making eye contact while slowly putting her hair in a ponytail you’re either going to die or get a blow job. 04:07 PM - 22 Jun 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. Saucy Kensington @Book_Krazy *pokes sex life with a stick 01:45 AM - 03 Jun 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. chuuch @ch000ch your dating profile: i LOVE adventures me: sounds like i'd have to do stuff. next--> 01:49 AM - 25 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. Amanda hugnkiss @caliluvgirl77 [introducing myself to new boyfriends parents] "Hi, I usually don't make it this far" 11:57 PM - 22 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov dating in high school: lets make out dating in college: lets get drunk and make out dating as an adult: lets do our best to not die alone 08:13 PM - 01 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. micha (insta: kliklaminaat) @ookkliklaminaat the idea dating of having a loving partner 09:39 AM - 27 Aug 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 29. Ham on Wry @realHamOnWry If there's a sock on my doorknob it means I'm having sex with the other one. 08:02 AM - 23 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 30. Noodles @Dawn_M_ [gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] "Go on without me" 03:53 PM - 25 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 31. Cutie McBooty @8_Sisha Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I'll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment. 10:40 PM - 17 Sep 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 32. A Literal Homosexual, BOO‼️🎃 @kyry5 My favorite festive sex position is "the ornament"; its when someone barely touches me and I fall and emotionally shatter into 100 pieces 07:17 PM - 24 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 33. Sexy Ambassador to Ukraine @SortaBad Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba 04:39 AM - 05 Aug 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 34. PUNTED CUNT TORNADO @SaraESpivey After I orgasm, I yell "Aaaaand scene." Then I push him off me, throw him his clothes while holding the door open& say "Ummm. We'll call u." 03:20 PM - 03 Oct 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 35. nicholas @jrvarsitybench one time i had sex while watching zootopia for the first time and she got mad because i kept looking at the movie lmaooooo... it’s a good movie smh 08:12 PM - 05 Dec 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite #Tweets