22 Incredibly Dumb Things People Said That I'm Seriously Cackling At
"This guy I know told me that he honestly thought Jesus was attached to the cross with a staple gun."
And, of course, people had TONS of examples of ridiculous things they heard and were ready to share. And after reading a lot of them, I'm still laughing. (But also, I'm kinda concerned 😐).
1. "A girl in my eighth grade geology class once said that the oceans were so polluted because the dirty animals wash themselves in it."
2. "Someone told me, 'I don't have to wear a condom because I smoke weed and it makes me sterile.'"
3. "Someone once asked me, 'When is 9/11 again?' I didn't know if they were joking or not so I laughed. They were serious."
4. "Someone once told me they saved the internet on a floppy disk. They actually saved their dial up connection shortcut, but they truly were convinced that it contained the whole internet."
5. "Someone pointed at my glucose monitoring device and asked, 'Do you have diabetes in your arm or is it in your stomach?'"
6. "I was told that a blowjob doesn't count as cheating because 'It doesn't include the genitals interacting.'"
7. "A friend in high school told me he didn’t take the SAT because he heard it’s easier the second time."
8. "The TA for one of my classes in college said his parents didn't let him watch Veggie Tales as a kid because 'vegetables aren't supposed to have souls.'"
10. "I heard a person say, 'I don't want to swim in the ocean because I might get pregnant by a sperm whale.'"
11. "This guy I know told me that he honestly thought Jesus was attached to the cross with a staple gun."
12. "A nursing student told me math isn't real. They said if I said 2+2=5 it would be true."
13. "While jogging with my friend in the morning they said, 'I am so slim because I follow a diet of hydrocarbons that my doctor recommended me.'"
15. "My coworker asked my boss, 'Can I have Monday off? It's my anniversary.' My boss responded, 'You got married on a Monday?'
16. "I worked at a museum and had to let a girl go because she was going around telling everyone that dinosaurs weren’t real because no animals can breathe fire. She was a law student."
17. "There was a kid at my school who said his mom didn’t let him watch SpongeBob because she 'didn’t want the gay spirits in the house.' A few years later, he told everyone he was a furry so I don't know what changed over that time."
18. "It was night at summer camp and when I turned on a flashlight during a storm this guy started yelling at me to shut it off because, apparently, light attracts lightning."
20. "My friend said, 'You're trying to tell me that our sun is a star? What are all those other things?' I proceed to show her an observable universe’s size comparison video. She said, 'Humans can’t look that far, I can’t even see the moon sometimes.'"
21. "My step sister told me we should see the PG-13 movie because PG meant 'pretty good.'
22. "Someone told me that John Lennon was, in fact, the first president to be assassinated."
Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.