Quiz

BuzzFeed Staff

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My screening process is more strict than an actual college application.

Do You Qualify To Be My Son's College Roommate?

Please note: I usually don't let his hair get this messy. That's another thing I'd expect you to watch out for.

His first choice, because of his love for Felicity the American Girl, was American colonial studies with a minor in children's historical dolls, but I had to explain to him several times that you could only receive a fake, printable diploma in these programs by filling out a short questionnaire on the Mattel website.

Webster will major in hospitality. He hasn't chosen a minor yet.

Let's begin. If you want to be Webster's roommate (and everyone should, because he's a nice, polite boy), you should already know what he'll be studying. So tell me: What's my perfect son's major?

DO NOT use this as an excuse to cause trouble. It is unacceptable to have friends over and mess up Webster's clean and organized side of the room. We will not tolerate it.

I will be picking Webster up and dropping him off every day for class, so he actually won't be spending much time in the dorm room.

Webster has plans to arrange the beds in his dorm room in a very specific way, and if you don't let him, I will immediately involve the dean of students. How does he want to arrange them?

That is, when he's not eating delicious, home-cooked meals at home, which is most of the time.

I will mail Webster all the food he needs to go in the mini fridge we got him at Sears.

Which meal plan did I purchase for Webster? As his roommate, you should know this. Don't ask me why, you're wasting my time.

But if you _did_ pick the fourth option, just know that I still don't appreciate you giving me lip. Do you want to be my son's roommate or not?!

That was a trick question. I wanted to see if you were paying attention.

HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION: During orientation, you see this troublemaker, Trent, asking Webster if he wants to play video games in the rec room, but you know he has to study for a big test. How would you handle this?!

You seem like a bad influence for my son. I don't want you anywhere near Webster! Look how disappointed he is. Now we have to keep looking. I am so stressed out.

You will not be living with my son!

I will be conducting in-person interviews at the student union from 1–3 p.m. next week. Please be prompt. There will be free lanyards with my son's face on them at the table.

Yes, you qualify to be my son's roommate.

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Do You Qualify To Be My Son's College Roommate?

This is my dear son, Webster. He's about to start his freshman year of college, and the thought of him being away from home without my guidance is TERRIFYING.

I need to find a roommate for him. He needs to live with someone responsible; someone who will look out for him when I can't; someone who won't pressure him into a lifetime of marijuana and bad decisions!

Do You Qualify To Be My Son's College Roommate?

This is my dear son, Webster. He's about to start his freshman year of college, and the thought of him being away from home without my guidance is TERRIFYING.

I need to find a roommate for him. He needs to live with someone responsible; someone who will look out for him when I can't; someone who won't pressure him into a lifetime of marijuana and bad decisions!

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