This is my dear son, Webster. He's about to start his freshman year of college, and the thought of him being away from home without my guidance is TERRIFYING.
I need to find a roommate for him. He needs to live with someone responsible; someone who will look out for him when I can't; someone who won't pressure him into a lifetime of marijuana and bad decisions!
American Colonial Studies, with a minor in Children's Historical DollsCreative Obituary WritingThe Roots of Dark Romanticism in Late 18th-Century Literature, with a minor in PlumbingThree minors in Sports Mascot Science, Dry Cleaning Theory, and Caves, and no majorDangerHospitality
Webster will major in hospitality. He hasn't chosen a minor yet.
His first choice, because of his love for Felicity the American Girl, was American colonial studies with a minor in children's historical dolls, but I had to explain to him several times that you could only receive a fake, printable diploma in these programs by filling out a short questionnaire on the Mattel website.
Webster needs to sleep in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed, like he always has at home. He's used to having the top bunk empty, so you will have to concede to sleeping on the floor.Webster wants to have his bed lofted, so he can make a fort under it. But if you did that to yours, it would be copying, so out of respect, you will not loft yours.Webster wants to permanently pitch a tent on his side of the room and sleep in that, because I never have (and never will!) let him go camping. You will have to figure out what to do with his empty bed.Webster will spend his days in the dorm, but he will still be commuting home so he can sleep in his own room.
I will be picking Webster up and dropping him off every day for class, so he actually won't be spending much time in the dorm room.
DO NOT use this as an excuse to cause trouble. It is unacceptable to have friends over and mess up Webster's clean and organized side of the room. We will not tolerate it.
The Unlimited Paper Plan: This plan is for students like Webster who love eating paper.The No Vegetables Plan: This plan includes every part of the food pyramid except vegetables, which Webster often tries to avoid.The Uncooked Grains Only Plan: It's exactly as it sounds.I will be mailing my son all his food. I trust neither public nor private institutions to feed my only child.
I will mail Webster all the food he needs to go in the mini fridge we got him at Sears.
That is, when he's not eating delicious, home-cooked meals at home, which is most of the time.
By doing nothing. He's just your roommate; he's not your responsibility!Approach them and tell that goofball Trent to buzz off! Webster's education is much more important!Tell your RA about Trent. If Trent was your RA, you would tell Trent's mom.Wait...how does Webster have a test to study for already? It's orientation, isn't it?
That was a trick question. I wanted to see if you were paying attention.
But if you did pick the fourth option, just know that I still don't appreciate you giving me lip. Do you want to be my son's roommate or not?!