Skip To Content
  • Quiz badge

Do You Qualify To Be My Son's College Roommate?

My screening process is more strict than an actual college application.

This is my dear son, Webster. He's about to start his freshman year of college, and the thought of him being away from home without my guidance is TERRIFYING.

Thinkstock

I need to find a roommate for him. He needs to live with someone responsible; someone who will look out for him when I can't; someone who won't pressure him into a lifetime of marijuana and bad decisions!

Thinkstock
  1. Let's begin. If you want to be Webster's roommate (and everyone should, because he's a nice, polite boy), you should already know what he'll be studying. So tell me: What's my perfect son's major?

    Thinkstock

    Please note: I usually don't let his hair get this messy. That's another thing I'd expect you to watch out for.

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    Webster will major in hospitality. He hasn't chosen a minor yet.

    His first choice, because of his love for Felicity the American Girl, was American colonial studies with a minor in children's historical dolls, but I had to explain to him several times that you could only receive a fake, printable diploma in these programs by filling out a short questionnaire on the Mattel website.

  2. Webster has plans to arrange the beds in his dorm room in a very specific way, and if you don't let him, I will immediately involve the dean of students. How does he want to arrange them?

    Thinkstock
    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    I will be picking Webster up and dropping him off every day for class, so he actually won't be spending much time in the dorm room.

    DO NOT use this as an excuse to cause trouble. It is unacceptable to have friends over and mess up Webster's clean and organized side of the room. We will not tolerate it.

  3. Which meal plan did I purchase for Webster? As his roommate, you should know this. Don't ask me why, you're wasting my time.

    Thinkstock
    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    I will mail Webster all the food he needs to go in the mini fridge we got him at Sears.

    That is, when he's not eating delicious, home-cooked meals at home, which is most of the time.

  4. HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION: During orientation, you see this troublemaker, Trent, asking Webster if he wants to play video games in the rec room, but you know he has to study for a big test. How would you handle this?!

    Thinkstock
    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    That was a trick question. I wanted to see if you were paying attention.

    But if you did pick the fourth option, just know that I still don't appreciate you giving me lip. Do you want to be my son's roommate or not?!

BuzzFeed Daily

Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!

Newsletter signup form