It happened in the back of a Jeep Cherokee with my head banging against the door the entire time, struggling to breathe because the guy had all of his weight on my chest. And it took forever! 10 minutes after he said with a straight face “sorry, it would’ve been faster but I already…
Don’t wear a short dress or skirt inside the city. It’s called the Windy City for a reason. I made one step out onto the streets as a firs time tourist and flashed my butt to an entire bus full of people passing by. The gusts are strong!
I’m not an esthetician, but I scarred mine for life one time when a glop of my MUCOUS PLUG fell out of my vagina and onto the table as I butterflied my legs open during a routine Brazilian. The look on her face went from carefree to WTF so fast.
I was mortified. Apologizing loudly…
I never would’ve thought that the guy who whipped out his penis for me in the back of the bar to show me his apadravia piercing hours after we first met would wind up being the love of my life. But here we are 9.5 years and 3 kids later and still madly in love!
It was our senior…
That thing that’s not supposed to happen, that doctors assure you will not happen, wound up happening to us during my third pregnancy. In an act of particularly deep doodle-bopping one night, our little unborn sadist actually managed to KICK HIM IN THE PENIS mid-thrust. She had been…
Monica and Rachel's apartment number changes from 5 to 20 at some point. And Joey and Chandler's from 4 to 19. The purpose was to reflect their apartments being on higher floors, but it really used to angrily confuse me before I knew!
When this soft, plump white guy bought magnum XL condoms in front of me and all of his friends I should've known it would be terrible. But I was an insecure high school sophomore and he was a senior with something to prove so I went with it. He took me to the parking lot of his best…
I'm not friends with math, unless we're talking about the only kind of math that my mind can make sense of: algebra. As such, I came in handy for knowing answers. But when our HS teacher caught onto some not-so-surreptitious-over-the-shoulder-sneak-peaking from my bff (who was sitting…
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