Pokémon As Described By Someone Who's Never Watched Pokémon
Pokymans is Nantindo's most popular franchise.
Pokémon is about a runaway child named Ash Ketchup who is obsessed with animals and baseball caps.
He's an animal hoarder with OCD who feels compelled to imprison one of every animal in the entire world.
Ash's best friend is a yellow weasel named Pikachu.
He has a girlfriend named Misty. Misty likes side ponytails and she carries around a deformed starfish.
The three of them hang out with a dude named Brock, who is blind.
Ash and his friends are constantly being chased by two drag queens and a cat from Brooklyn.
Ash is embroiled in an underground animal fighting ring that uses gyms as a front for their illegal activities.
During battles, Pokémon trainers distract each other by throwing red and white Christmas ornaments at each other. Whoever runs out of ornaments first loses.
Pokémon trainers are obsessed with FLAIR.
Some of the most popular Pokémons include Jiggles the Puff, a pink beach ball who loves karaoke.
Bulbasaur is a frog with a rotten onion on his back.
Psyduck is a platypus with long term paranoid psychosis from extensive amphetamine abuse.
Slowpoke is a pink koala who just got internet access in his room.
Sometimes food can be a Pokémon too, like radishes or clumps of old spaghetti.
Captured animals are experimented on and mutated into larger, angrier monsters.
When Pokémons are slaughtered in battle, they come back as mean ghosts and get to be enslaved all over again.
Also, Pokémonning too much will cause seizures, so it's important to limit how much you Pokémon.
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