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    Pokémon As Described By Someone Who's Never Watched Pokémon

    Pokymans is Nantindo's most popular franchise.

    Pokémon is about a runaway child named Ash Ketchup who is obsessed with animals and baseball caps.

    Nintendo

    He's an animal hoarder with OCD who feels compelled to imprison one of every animal in the entire world.

    Nintendo

    Ash's best friend is a yellow weasel named Pikachu.

    Nintendo
    Nintendo

    He has a girlfriend named Misty. Misty likes side ponytails and she carries around a deformed starfish.

    Nintendo

    The three of them hang out with a dude named Brock, who is blind.

    Nintendo

    Ash and his friends are constantly being chased by two drag queens and a cat from Brooklyn.

    Nintendo

    Ash is embroiled in an underground animal fighting ring that uses gyms as a front for their illegal activities.

    Nintendo

    During battles, Pokémon trainers distract each other by throwing red and white Christmas ornaments at each other. Whoever runs out of ornaments first loses.

    Nintendo

    Pokémon trainers are obsessed with FLAIR.

    Nintendo
    20th Century Fox

    Some of the most popular Pokémons include Jiggles the Puff, a pink beach ball who loves karaoke.

    Nintendo

    Bulbasaur is a frog with a rotten onion on his back.

    Nintendo

    Psyduck is a platypus with long term paranoid psychosis from extensive amphetamine abuse.

    Nintendo
    Nintendo

    Slowpoke is a pink koala who just got internet access in his room.

    Nintendo

    Sometimes food can be a Pokémon too, like radishes or clumps of old spaghetti.

    Nintendo
    Nintendo

    Captured animals are experimented on and mutated into larger, angrier monsters.

    Nintendo

    When Pokémons are slaughtered in battle, they come back as mean ghosts and get to be enslaved all over again.

    Nintendo

    Also, Pokémonning too much will cause seizures, so it's important to limit how much you Pokémon.

    FOX

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