1. Pokémon is about a runaway child named Ash Ketchup who is obsessed with animals and baseball caps.
2. He’s an animal hoarder with OCD who feels compelled to imprison one of every animal in the entire world.
4. He has a girlfriend named Misty. Misty likes side ponytails and she carries around a deformed starfish.
5. The three of them hang out with a dude named Brock, who is blind.
6. Ash and his friends are constantly being chased by two drag queens and a cat from Brooklyn.
7. Ash is embroiled in an underground animal fighting ring that uses gyms as a front for their illegal activities.
8. During battles, Pokémon trainers distract each other by throwing red and white Christmas ornaments at each other. Whoever runs out of ornaments first loses.
10. Some of the most popular Pokémons include Jiggles the Puff, a pink beach ball who loves karaoke.
11. Bulbasaur is a frog with a rotten onion on his back.
13. Slowpoke is a pink koala who just got internet access in his room.
15. Captured animals are experimented on and mutated into larger, angrier monsters.
16. When Pokémons are slaughtered in battle, they come back as mean ghosts and get to be enslaved all over again.
17. Also, Pokémonning too much will cause seizures, so it’s important to limit how much you Pokémon.
- Donald Trump was sworn in as the 45th president of the United States of America. 🇺🇸
- Anti-Trump protesters and police clash in Washington, DC, during the inauguration. Cars and storefronts have been vandalized, over 90 arrested.
- US officials didn't know drug lord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán was being extradited from Mexico to the United States until the day it happened.
- And as many as eight survivors have been found after a deadly avalanche buried a hotel in Italy.