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Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.
As Michael announces that Dwight will be the new manager, Phyllis says out loud, "You're kidding." Very disrespectful to Dwight. Where does she get off?!
It's Pretzel day, and Phyllis tries to cut in line. Bad move, Phyll. Bad move. Why don't you wait in line like everyone else? Honestly, she starts to get really uppity around the time that she and Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, start dating. It's all that power going to her head.
Karen complains about a strong perfume smell in the office, and Phyllis gets very defensive because Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, bought it for her. Phyllis then proceeds to tear Karen a new one because she doesn't know who Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, is. Why would she know who he is? She JUST started working at the Scranton branch!
First, she uses Michael by inviting him to be a part of her wedding just so she can get additional time off for her honeymoon. Then, we find out Phyllis has copied all of Pam's wedding plans – invitations, the dress, their flowers, etc. All of Pam's hard work was all for Phyllis apparently? Oh, then she farts in front of Michael while he's trying to have a conversation with her... disgusting.
When Jim catches Dwight and Angela in ~the act~, he does the respectful thing by keeping it to himself. Phyllis, however, uses it to blackmail Angela. And trust us when we say you haven't heard the last of this extortion. More on this in a bit.
Phyllis rudely states that Pam isn't allowed to assign sales calls to the person she's sleeping with "that week," essentially slut-shaming Pam which isn't cool or true. She even makes a comment about seeing their hands above the table? Like... what the f**k, Phyllis? Do you really think Pam and Jim would be doing anything promiscuous under the table at work? You're the one to talk! You had sex in public with Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration (more on that later). THEN, she calls Michael's gift basket idea "stupid." Again, incredibly rude. I don't see you trying to pitch any ideas, Phyllis. Michael is trying. That's a lot more than we can say for you.
In this episode, Phyllis seems to be purposely trying to piss off Angela. Misspelling "launch" as "lunch," only buying spoons, etc. Of course, Angela gets annoyed! Who wouldn't!? Phyllis also speaks to Angela in an incredibly demeaning tone throughout the entire episode. And to top if all off, she throws paper in Angelas face because she's a... well, my editor won't let me say what she is.
Michael asks Phyllis to try convincing author, Sue Grafton, to be in their office's local ad. Instead of securing the author's presence, she ends up getting kicked out of the mall because she was basically harassing the woman. And then she has the audacity to come back to the office moping and crying!? Can you even imagine what she was doing at the mall to get kicked out?!?
Phyllis is bothering the Finer Things Club by loudly microwaving popcorn. When they ask her why she can't use the microwave in the kitchen, she says she's waiting for someone to clean it because it's messy and smells like popcorn. UGH! She's the one who made it smell that way in the first place! So lazy, rude, inconsiderate, and annoying! Also, I HATE the way she says popcorn.
Phyllis calls Michael's "Sale-a-bration" the dumbest thing she's ever heard. Again, an incredibly insubordinate, rude, and unnecessary comment. She could have expressed her opinion in a much nicer/professional/respectful way. Yet here we are, and that's why we're making this list! Open your eyes, people!
After Angela shreds the names of all the vendors she gathered during her time in charge of the party planning committee, Phyllis purposely knocks Angela's files onto the floor. Honestly, I don't blame Angela for shredding the names. She worked really hard to acquire those contacts! Why should she just hand over all her hard work to Phyllis who not only treats her like shit but is the very reason Angela's no longer the head of the committee in the first place!
The office is trying to win a weight-loss competition, but Phyllis decides to bring in cake for everyone to eat on Stanley's birthday. He didn't even want to eat the cake himself! She did this even though Michael specifically asked her not to. And yet, she went ahead and did it anyways. To what end, Phyllis?!
Possibly the worst thing Phyllis does throughout the show is treating Angela so awfully — I mean, she's BLACKMAILING her!? She makes Angela jump through hoops with that smug little face on her face the entire time. But it only gets worse. At the end of this episode, she ends up telling everyone that Dwight and Angela are sleeping together anyways! All because Angela stood up for herself and refused to be Phyllis's puppet for one more minute.
After the whole debacle at the Christmas Party, Jim and Dwight are put in charge of planning parties, and Phyllis purposely doesn't tell them about Kelly's birthday. Sabotage! Poor Kelly. She got all dressed up and everything. If Phyllis was an actual decent person, she would have told them so Kelly could have had a nice birthday. Instead, Phyll was petty and sacrificed Kelly's happiness for her own ugly revenge.
While out with Pam and Jim on a Valentine's Day lunch, Phyllis and Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, disappear after ordering. The food arrives, but they're still missing. Jim and Pam are hungry but want to be polite so they wait for them to start eating. They don't return, so Jim and Pam think they might've been ditched. They decide to search the restaurant and discover that Phyll and Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, are having sex in a public bathroom. Super gross. Super rude.
Surprise, surprise! Phyllis is upset that she's not included in planning Michael's anniversary party so she tells Charles Miner about the amount of time that's wasted on planning office parties. She knew damn well that snitching would end any and all parties – including Michael's! Don't you know that snitches get stitches, Phyllis?
Once Michael, Pam, and Ryan all return to Dunder Mifflin from the Michael Scott Paper Company, there's a lot of hostility amongst the sales staff due to Pam and Ryan keeping the clients they stole from the Dunder Mifflin sales team. Phyllis is by far the worst of the worst, especially to Pam. She's super aggresive towards Pam and even goes so far as to call her a secretary when she knows that's not her job anymore. Phyllis, Pam has established herself as a salesperson. She took a leap and went for what she wanted, and she got it! But you know, it's OK to belittle a co-worker if they're pretty, right? WRONG.
After announcing her pregnancy, Pam asks Phyllis if she could please wear a less pungent perfume because it's making her physically sick. And Pam's not being overly sensitive here – we already know Phyliis wears too much from Karen's comment earlier in the series. Of course, Phyllis has to complain about the request. She'd much rather make Pam vomit than have to change up her smell for a couple months.
At Jim and Pam's wedding, Phyllis's hat is (1) ugly and (2) so big that it keeps hitting Stanley in the face. When he says something to her about it, she mentions how his ex-wife used to love the hat with Stanley's new girlfriend standing right there! And then, she tells Erin that Pam wouldn't be a good wife... AT PAM'S WEDDING! Unbelievable.
Phyllis takes a two-hour lunch without asking Jim who's recently been promoted to co-manager. Not only does she take too much time; she comes back drunk, too! When Jim asks her about it, she shows him zero respect and tells him that he doesn't have any authority. SO insubordinate and SO uncalled for.
Jim graciously allows Phyllis to live out her dreams of being the office Santa at the holiday party. But instead of being grateful, she threatens Jim about getting Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, "involved" after Michael comes in dressed as Santa, too. That's not very jolly, Phyllis! Grow up! BTW, Phyllis is most definitely on the chronically naughty list. No question about it.
Phyllis is more concerned about eating cake than waiting for Jim and Pam's baby to arrive. Again, her lack of respect for Pam is evident... Just go home, Phyllis! No one asked you to be there. Eat your cake somewhere else, why don't you?
Yet again, Phyllis displays a complete lack of respect for Michael and is insubordinate AF. She demands Michael – HER BOSS – to hand over the sales leads and then proceeds to call him "numb-nuts." She then shows ZERO loyalty for her fellow coworkers and says that their job could easily be outsourced. How has she not been fired yet?
She brags about how she purposely wears low-cut shirts so men will flirt with her in hopes that Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, will beat them up. Real mature... And she's so proud of herself, too. Just look at that face.
She tells Andy that he deserved having his bag shoved in the ceiling tiles because he snitched about the Sabre printers setting on fire. Wow, so Andy is concerned about the safety of his customers and she reacts like this...? What if you had one at home that caught fire, Phyllis?
Shocker. She disrespects Michael once again by calling him stupid. Well, Phyllis. At least Michael is a decent person who genuinely cares for a lot of people (Toby excluded), unlike you.
She wants to try seducing Danny Cordray to figure out his sales tactics. Really? Are you serious, Phyllis? Coming from the woman who's slut-shammed Pam, Angela, and probably Meredith in the past? You've got to be kidding me.
When Holly discovers that her Woody doll was purposefully soiled by someone in the office (*cough, cough* Michael), Phyllis tries blaming Erin. Why in the hell are you going after Erin?! What has she EVER done to you?
Pam was saying how awesome Sue – who works at Vance Refrigeration — is at being an office administrator. Phyllis, of course, has to comment on how Sue's not that great and feels it's necessary to point out that her husband's a wheelchair user. So?! How is that relevant at all? Unbelievable.
She offers to help Andy with his presentation but then backs out with Stanley and Dwight because they don't think the attendees are worth their time. Andy had to put together a different presentation last second. Nice job being a supportive friend and co-worker, Phyll. Oh, then she changes her mind and wants back in after she realizes some of the attendees may actually have good business ideas... I will say that Dwight and Stanley are equally as lame in this situation, too.
Phyllis tells Andy to order a cheeseburger at a restaurant even though they don't have them on the menu. She says that if you make a scene, they'll give in and make you one. So clearly, she's awful at restaurants. But we already knew that from her lunch date with Jim and Pam. Are we really that surprised at this point?
This one isn't really rude, but I just found it super weird that Phyllis asks Holly if she'd be interested in buying her old bras at the office garage sale? Just... no.
She gets salty after Stanley wins the Diabetes Dundie Award, saying how she has diabetes too but doesn't make a big deal about it. I'm sorry, but when does Stanley ever make his diabetes out to be "a big deal?" And she should know that the Dundies are just for fun. Is she seriously going to get upset about that? The only one making a big deal out of anything is — as usual – her!
Andy asks for good vibes from his coworkers to get his spirits up about his interview for the new office manager position. Phyllis basically does the exact opposite by saying, "Are you sure this is a good idea? I hate to see you disappointed." Nice job saying something encouraging! Oh, and then we later find out later that she may or may not be into beastiality...? We're not making this up, people.
Phyllis doesn't think that they should let Angela know that her husband, the Senator, is actually gay. And why? All because Angela didn't tell her she had lettuce in her teeth one day. Yup.
Andy thanks his staff for all coming to the conference room for a meeting. Phyllis, for whatever reason, feels it's necessary to make a comment on their attendance being mandatory. While true, it's not something that needs to be said. Why is she so annoyed at Andy for simply thanking them? She's always so damn salty!
Andy talks to the crew about the garden party he's throwing. He obviously feels that it's a very important event to not only impress his (awful) parents but Robert California as well. Phyllis purposefully demeans the entire event by calling it "just a picnic." It's clearly more than that to Andy. Like always, her comment was just rude and unnecessary.
She sits down in the middle of their Gettysburg trip and whines about how she can no longer walk because all she had for breakfast was oatmeal, yogurt, coffee, orange juice, toast, two poached eggs, and half a sandwich. Then later, Jim and Darryl tell Andy that she is once again on the ground.
Andy mentions to the cameraman that Phyllis has room-clearing farts. Robert California instructed him to speak about Phyllis's farts, hoping that one of her famous farts would deter Mrs. California from working at Dunder Mifflin. If you didn't already think so, Phyllis is clearly awful to work with (and near).
I might be nitpicking at this point, but... seriously?! Who in the hell holds a mug like that?!?!
Her and Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, makeout at Roy's wedding in front of everyone. Keeping it classy as usual, Phyll. It's no public restroom in a restaurant on Valentine's Day, but it'll certainly do, I suppose.
Jim takes Phyllis and Stanley out to lunch, and they get wasted. She starts poking people with knives to get their attention. Why, you ask? To help her open a DISPLAY bottle of wine. Again, she displays a complete lack of respect for anyone around her.
Everyone accidentally forgot about planning the Christmas party. Everyone except Phyllis, that is. And can you guess why she didn't say anything? Because she's STILL bitter about not being head of the party planning committee and purposely kept it to herself! Again, if she was a genuinely nice person, she would have said something so everyone could have a nice party, but NOPE. She'd rather just sit there and act like a child. She then gloats later in the episode saying how much she was needed for the party because she had the eggnog. Had you done the right thing and told someone about the party in the first place then maybe, just maybe, you could take a bit of credit for the day. But no. You chose to be awful. Shocker.
After Darryl broke up with Val, he stated that some chocolate cake would make him feel better. Meanwhile, Phyllis starts eating her chocolate muffin right in front of him. When Darryl walks away, Nellie and Kevin shoot Phyllis a disappointed look, but of course, she doesn't think she's in the wrong. She claims that her chocolate treat wont help him because it's a muffin and not cake. She clearly had no intention of offering Darryl a piece – cake or not!
The office plans to go to the mall on Valentine's Day to take advantage of the couples discounts at the nail salon. Nellie doesn't have a man in her life, and Phyllis takes it upon herself to make an incredibly rude comment about how Nellie could bring whoever she uses to kill her loneliness. Seriously? Then she claims she shouldn't work when she gets back from the salon because of her newly painted nails. How did we not realize Phyllis was a villain from the first episode?!
Phyllis rudely tells Pam to stop talking. However, I will show SOME sympathy because she was drugged by Packer. But let's face it — everyone else in the office was drugged, too. There's no need to single out Pam.
Phyllis makes EVERYONE in the office incredibly uncomfortable by listening to 50 Shades Of Grey on an audio tape. The way that she's clearly getting off on it in THE WORKPLACE is so inappropriate and disgusting.
Angela and the Senator attend a press conference at which he publicly discloses that he's gay. Phyllis is caught smiling and clearly getting enjoyment out of Angela's life falling apart on live television. How much of monster do you have to be to enjoy pain so shamelessly?
After Andy announces that he wants to leave his job at Dunder Mifflin to pursue his dream of becoming an actor, she says how there's something about Andy you just don't want to look at. She's just so supportive, isn't she? Why cant she just keep these thoughts to herself?
And in the last installment in this list of horrors brought to you by the one and only Phyllis Lapin-Vance, the photographer asks everyone for a group photo at the celebration of the documentary. Phyllis, of course, is just absolutely miserable. Couldn't even fake a smile, could you, Phyllis? Now that's what I call a grump.
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