1. Everybody’s gotta start somewhere.
2. That NO ONE is needier than Simon’s annoying ass.
3. When it’s actually important to pick up the phone.
6. And more importantly, Willow Pape is Paris Hilton.
7. Sometimes you gotta show a little skin if you want to get ahead.
8. And then you must defend your choices.
9. Kim Kardashian is a very motivational individual.
11. How to dazzle a crowd.
12. Dating is easy.
13. It also costs money.
14. The best financial deals aren’t necessarily the best career moves.
15. It’s easy to promote a product…
18. Kim is a needy friend.
19. Elizabeth Korkov is Anna Wintour.
20. She’s not very nice.
AND she’s B-list.
21. That the Hollywood sign has been replaced.
22. True fashion = Kim Kardashian’s actual clothing.
24. Any photographer that does the Kardashian Kristmas Kard must be a good one.
26. HAND HUGS!
27. Busses are the hottest way to get around town.
28. And if you DO drive, these are the only cars worth having.
29. A really flattering way to stand is with one hand on your hip.
30. Willow Pape is the WORST HUMAN.
33. Kim is BUSY.
35. What the right side of Kim’s mansion looks like.
36. And what the left of Kim’s mansion looks like.
37. Modeling is all about confidence and trying not to trip.
38. Also, swagger.
39. And Tyra Banks was right: It’s all about the smize.
40. How to tolerate creepy come-ons like, “You smell nice.”
42. Kim Kardashian is an active supporter of charities.
43. Good shoes are important.
44. How to tell when a guy is flirting (by whether or not he puts his right arm behind his head).
45. Not to get so drunk that you accidentally shit-talk the brand you’re promoting.
46. Kim has feelings.
47. Lots of feelings.
…about her mom, Kris:
48. And if you listen to Kim’s entire sob story, you might even get a REAL hug!
49. Guys are assholes.
50. Exclusivity is important.
51. Kourtney is the least favorite sister.
In the “Kardash NY” store you can see portraits of Khloe, Kim, and… Kourtney’s face is behind a vase of flowers.
52. It’s cool to stare at your nails.
53. Kim Kardashian knows what LARPing is.
54. Sometimes there’s only one answer in life.
55. Haters are everywhere.
56. In Kim’s world, it only costs $35 to fly from LAX to JFK — or Mexico.
57. And this bra cost $975.
58. Guys are assholes.
59. Ray Powers is kind of an asshole.
60. Modeling is easy.
61. How to enjoy the shade.
62. Behind every photo opp is some publicist trying to get press.
63. Tweets = fans.
64. There is no crying in modeling.
66. It’s not cool to be broken up with over the phone.
67. New homes = new fans.
68. Kim uses the term “momager” in everyday life.
69. Guys are assholes.
It’s not all about YOU, Cole.