were54
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    • were54

      That when I’m telling you that my biggest problem at work is endemic discrimination and bias, and ask for a woman-led discussion with HR and management on the topic, that you assume that it’s actually the physical environment taking a toll and that I just need some days off to “calm down”. What you are assuming here is that I am the one who is not cut out for the job. My actual problem is that my crew does not understand what a woman with authority and intelligence looks like, nor how to interact with one, and *no* it is not the same as what every young man in my position faces, because I am not that young….men just don’t know how to discern my age because this PPE is too big and I don’t have a beard. Also, FYI, things are haywire because the service providers and client would rather talk to a man than talk to me, because they assume that I don’t know what I am talking about, so they just ignore me and everything that I say, and either go *under* me to speak with a lesser crewmember or else make random assumptions rather than talk to me.  Also, when I am talking to HR and management about how men constantly talk over me and don’t let me finish my sentences, it would be helpful if they actually let me finish my sentences….

    • were54

      Um…yes it does; time does exist. The MEASUREMENT of time is a human invention, but time definitely exists and has existed for long before humans did. Think of it this way: just because humans decided to measure weight in pounds, stones, and kilos, does not mean that mass and gravity did not exist before humans came around. Another way to look at it is that animals age and locomote (make changes in position over time) without have a human definition of time, per se. (It can be argued that circadian rhythms govern the notion of time for both human and non-human animals, but that’s just a whole other level of reasoning as to why you are incorrect; the common human macro-measurement of time is based off of the movement of celestial objects that were around far before we ever were!) One thing that you may be trying to get at, and with which I agree, is that the human experience of time can be molded and adapted. I remember reading somewhere that, whereas people in countries like the U.S. tend to divide up their time in something like 1 or 5 minute segments, people in other countries (less developed ones, I believe) tended to think of time in segments of 15-minutes or more. E.g., one’s definition of a “moment” may be dependent upon one’s cultural upbringing. Also, obviously, being removed from access to sunlight, or having one’s rhythms forcibly changed (jet lag, shift work, etc.) can also alter how one’s body and mind perceive and work with time.

    • were54

      How about: “What are you doing here?” when someone sees me AT WORK, DOING MY JOB (male dom field). This gets asked of me at least once a week. Sometimes it’s “How the hell did you end up here?”, “What do you think that you are doing?”, “Wouldn’t you rather be in the office?”, “Why are they making you do this?”, or “Doesn’t your husband make enough money?” I wish that I could just work without having to constantly defend my presence. “Why don’t you just let the men handle that?”, followed immediately by “Why are you offended by that? I was just worried about your safety.” Again, while I am at work, doing the damn job that I am being paid for. If that original question were ever said to any man, don’t tell me that it wouldn’t be automatically perceived as an insult? “Why don’t you bring us some cookies tomorrow?”… “What do you mean, you don’t bake cookies? Aren’t you married?” The number one: “Why didn’t you take your spouses name?” Sometimes I ask this of men, just to even things out, but it is usually taken with confusion, laughter, or even anger as if I was trying to insult their masculinity. To all of the people saying that men must get asked these things too, understand that the point is that not only are women asked these things annoyingly often, but we are forced to answer them as if they are genuine questions, and we are not allowed to be insulted. (No, no one is pointing a gun to my head, but I may be ostracized, beaten up, or have my my career chances ruined).  Consider this: my husband works in a female dominated field. He concurs that, although he definitely feels the effects of the patriarchy, he also recognizes that he does not have it anywhere near as bad. When people ask him why he chose his field, it is always with respect and not indignance - for instance, he is constantly told “I’m so glad to see a man here!” and “We need more men in [his field]”, and I have never ONCE been told that we need more women in my field. No one has ever been happy to see me show up to work in their crew - most people either just grumble, throw me shade, or pretend like I’m not there (give me no work assignments). To be clear, these are people that have never met me before. The only thing that they know about me is my name and gender. For him, he has to fight off promotions and is constantly embarrassed by the obvious preferential treatment that he receives, whereas I have to fight for every bone, and I still get the “well, we’ll see” treatment.

    • were54

      I had very long, “Disney Princess” hair my whole life until last year, when I cut it into a dramatic “butch” pixie. I have received every one of the reactions on this list. The ones that were really telling were the “but men like long hair” comments. Or else, “but, I loved your long hair!”. I’m married and my husband likes my short hair. Why should I care if you or any other men find me attractive? Is that really all that I am worth? I have, personally, never felt more beautiful in my life. That’s really all that matters! My husband loves the short hair because he loves me and he can see that I’m just happier with the short hair (his words). For the first time in my whole life, I feel like I am really seeing ME when I look in the mirror. And I wouldn’t mind being mistaken for a man, considering how much easier that would make things in my line of work. The skirt, high heels, high voice, and giant boobs are a dead give away, though…

    • were54

      The important thing that a lot of people miss about Heart of Darkness is that it is only very thinly fictional. Mr. Kurtz was based off of a real person. It’s not an allegory - the author is talking about stuff that he actually witnessed going on in the Congo in the relatively recent past. The heads on a post thing? That actually happened. This book belongs in history class, not English, and what happened in the Congo should really be taught in high schools. Ten million people were massacred and the human landscape of the African continent was forever marred, yet barely anyone knows about it.

    • were54

      1. Light the first rope on both ends. When that rope burns completely, immediately light both ends and the center of the second rope. First rope will burn up in 30 minutes, second rope will burn up in 15 minutes. 2. Either what joeyp8 said, or cut a hole in the cork (no one said that you couldn’t damage the cork). 3.Put 50 bags on each side of the scale. One side will be slightly heavier. Remove the bags two at a time, one from each side of the scale. When the scale is even, the bag that you removed from the previously heavier side is the bag with gold coins. 4.Tip the glass so that the water touches the rim. If the surface of the water touches both the top and bottom edges of the glass, it is exactly half-full. If it touches the top edge first, it is more than half full. If it touches the bottom edge first, it is less than half full. 5. Only one - the North Pole.

    • were54

      “King of Wishful Thinking” by Go West. The epitome of the incredibly catchy, dance-able sad song. My sisters and I used to belt it for years and never realized how depressing the lyrics were. It was one of the first songs we ever downloaded once downloading music became a thing. Then, one day very recently, I did it for an open mic with just a uke accompaniment. Everyone in the cafe came up to me afterward and asked me if I was OK? Did my husband leave me or something? LOL - oops…

    • were54

      4/25. Only one read for school, others for pleasure :) This list is actually a life-saver. My literary appetite is so voracious that buying a book is no longer a financially sound decision. I will just read it too fast. Libraries are also a problem, because I have an inconvenient impulse to keep any book I finish, so I end up paying more for books that I don’t return. I don’t like e-books very much, either…I need pages. So, long, but interesting, books are a boon! I do wish Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment were on here. It is one of the few books that I have not finished. The plot development to word count ration is depressingly low. I found it a true slog (and not just because of the translated russian - I thoroughly enjoy Tolstoy). Anyhoo, I will definitely try Cloud Atlas, as I have a thing for good fantasy & scifi. (Unfortunately, scifi is it’s own challenge because I am an overly-learned engineer by profession, so my ability to suspend my disbelief is more limited than the average layperson). If anyone on here has some good suggestions for a long book or series, I would thoroughly appreciate them! I’m the only true reader in my family, and I work in the opposite of a literary environment.

    • were54

      For most of my life up until last year, I had very long hair. It was beautiful, thick, wavy, “disney princess” hair. Then, last summer I decided to cut it all off and get a super short pixie. Let me tell you, I have never felt more beautiful in my entire life. Short hair suits my face better than my long hair ever did, as beautiful as the long hair was on it’s own. This is not just my opinion, either - my husband has made me swear that I will never go back to long hair. I’ve tossed out most of my old beauty products and cosmetics because I just don’t need them any more. With the short hair, my face now looks lovely au naturale. And to think that up until that point I thought I didn’t have the facial features to pull it off - just goes to show that you never know until you try it!

    • were54

      Dear Men. Please take a page from my husband and learn how to compliment appropriately. He does not walk up to random women, EVER. But, if he is in a conversation with a woman already (perhaps a friend, acquaintance, or cashier at a department store right after he signs the receipt), he will say “by the way, I love that necklace” or “by the way, I think that blazer is great” or “by the way, I couldn’t help but notice that your watch is really cool!”, then he follows it with “anyway, have a nice day” or “where did you get it?”, depending on the appropriateness of continuing the conversation. He does not interrupt their day, expect them to respond in kind, or focus on a part of their body. He makes it very clear that it is a PASSING compliment and that nothing hinges on their reaction. Perhaps he understands these things because he is a Pre-K teacher, so he just uses the same rules that he tries to teach his kids. Be respectful and keep your hands to yourself. I am very lucky indeed to have a man like him to call my husband, because unfortunately his type is very rare. (My friends who meet him literally swoon). Basically, if it is something that you wouldn’t say to another guy without the expectation that the guy would think you were coming on to them, then don’t say it to a girl and pretend it is a compliment with nothing behind it! Would you ever go up to a random guy in a mall and say “hey, sexy!” or grab their butt? No. Because not only is it socially inept, but you could get punched or worse. It would be seen as an overt come-on, and if that guy did not want it or like it he would be able to react. Don’t treat women differently just because they are physically or socially unable to react. Not all women are sexually available to you, just like not all men are sexually available to you. That is the entire point of feminism - that men and women should be treated with equal respect. If you follow that rule, you will never run into trouble from anyone. The End.

    • were54

      “which teaches that romantic love leads to sexual promiscuity, mismatched couples, and dysfunctional societies” OK, I’m going to blame that line on the original journalist copying and pasting from a bad translation of something that was said in Korean, because we Unificationists are hella romantic and completely unapologetic about it. My husband treats me like a princess on a daily basis, and it is going on six years since our mass wedding (July 2007 couples, wutwut). How many people get to say that they married their first and only love? Also, note to Buzzfeed…we consider the term “Moonies” to be derogatory. Our preference is “Unificationists”. I don’t expect that you are going to change the headline, but it would be really nice if you did :)