21 Proverbs, Fact-Checked

FACT: many men have best friends that are not dogs.

1.

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What is your goal here? Do you want to end the fire? Then more fire might not be your best weapon.

2.

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Medically unsound, and potenitally life-threatening in emergency situations. Cracking the ribcage open is usually the preferred method.

3.

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This just isn't scientifically true. We asked several scientists and they agreed, and then we did several experiments in which we watched pots boiling and they did boil so there. SCIENCE.

4.

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So, if I just turn left out of my house, I'll reach Rome. You're entirely sure?

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Carefully checking the mouth of any horse you are given as a present, for ailments such as periodontal disease, foot-and-mouth disease, or gingivitis, is more than merely acceptable - it is veterinary best practice.

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No it won't.

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Does not apply to, e.g., supervolcanoes, swarm of killer bees, velociraptor attack. Those are better happening never than being a bit tardy. Also, lunch deliveries.

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ONCE. ONE CAT. IT HAPPENED ONE TIME. JESUS YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO LET CURIOSITY FORGET THIS ARE YOU?

9.

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I dunno, this widescreen TV is pretty sweet and it costs over £1,000.

10.

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While those experiencing extreme poverty have limited agency in many aspects of their life, denying that they are capable of exercising free will is repugnant.

11.

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Give us specifics here. How many egg baskets are we expected to carry with us at any one time? Anything over two or three is clearly impractical.

12.

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Highly unlikely, unless the clouds were formed as the result of a cloud-seeding experiment using silver iodide. And even then that's not really a lining per se, and anyway silver iodide isn't actually silver, it's more of a yellowy colour.

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Weirdly my boss doesn't accept this line of argument.

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Any farmer who doesn't make an evidence-based estimate of future chicken production based on current egg yield will likely fail in the marketplace.

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It's a blind horse, what are you doing nodding at it.

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We did an experiment to try this out and now we've got a dead calligrapher in the office and a lot of explaining to do.

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More important issue: if you have all these cooks why the hell have you got them all making broth? What the fuck do you think you're playing at? What kind of establishment serves nothing but broth these days? You don't have anybody doing prep, nobody on the mains, nobody on pastries or desserts. You've got angry customers out there, waiting staff who don't know what to tell them. There's zero communication. You're a fucking incompetent. Jesus. I'm not sure I can do anything to turn this restaurant around.

18.

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Had one today. In your stupid hungry face, proverbs.

19.

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Glad that one's cleared up.

20.

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Yeah, okay, can't find any fault with this one. Men and islands are very different things.

21. "You can't judge a book by its cover."

Yes you can. This book is shit.