Everything You Need To Know About The England Vs. Uruguay Match

Spoiler: may not have gone entirely as England hoped.

1. This was it. The crunch match. The match England had to win.

Oli Scarrf / Getty Images
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2. Everywhere was packed as the nation came out to watch the game.

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4. Okay, some places weren’t packed.

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6. Even Peter Andre.

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7. Some people got religion.

C'mon #England #worldcup2014

— Mark Robinson (@robboma3)
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8. The nation was READY.

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9. We were reminded that England needed a win, and it didn’t matter if it was ugly.

"This is not a beauty contest" - SCREW YOU, COMMENTATOR. I will watch this match however I please. #WorldCup

— IncrediblyRich (@IncrediblyRich)
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10. ITV showed a weirdly emotional film about England players.

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11. The musical omens weren’t good.

Uruguay's anthem is mad jaunty.

— Eric Freeman (@freemaneric)
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Our anthem always sounds like we know we're going to lose. Especially compared to that jaunty little Uruguayan number. #flenslens

— Flenalty Shootout ⚽️ (@flendog_)
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It can't help our chances that every other country has a rousing or jaunty anthem and we have such a depressing lifeless dirge.

— Gary (@GaryTomWilliams)
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14. Wayne Rooney narrowly missed a free kick…

Matthias Hangst / Getty Images
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15. …and everybody was all like this.


Except they weren’t all dressed as crusaders.

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16. Liverpool teammates Steven Gerrard and Luis Suarez were getting on really well.

Steven Gerrard goes into a challenge on Luis Suarez #LFC #ENG #URU #WorldCup

— Goal Photos (@GoalPhotos)
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It on! @luis16suarez vs Steven Gerrard. #ENG #URU #LFCworldcup

— FIFA World Cup 2014 (@FastsportsHd)
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18. Joe Hart was a commanding presence in goal.

Joe Hart after a routine goalkick

— NW3Gooner (@NW3Gooner)
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19. It gradually became apparent that Uruguay were worryingly good at football.

Current feeling watching England... #WorldCup2014 #EnglandvsUruguay #England #WorldCup2014#Worldcup #football

— Sam Donaldson (@threecliffsgold)
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20. Important tactical questions were being asked.

ENGLAND whatchu gon do??!

— Rihanna (@rihanna)
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21. Then Wayne Rooney rose majestically to… ah, shit.

Kevin C. Cox / Getty Images

Stupid crossbar.

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22. Everybody’s mum was like this:

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23. And then… Suarez scored. Because of course.

Clive Rose / Getty Images

I mean why would you mark Luis Suarez?

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24. And everybody was all:

Amazing Twitter reaction to Suarez goal. My thanks to @capnbobfrapples, @rickharwood, @flashboy & @jamesdeer.

— Chris Mann (@digitalsausage)
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25. At least the Scots were sympathetic.

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26. People started getting… grumpy with some of the players.

Rooney heat map:

— Cusack (@Cusxck)
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27. England were on the ropes. Half time couldn’t come quickly enough.

Traditional half-time piss.

— G10 (@_g10_)
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28. The deputy prime minister weighed in with a passionate, heartfelt tweet showing what a regular guy he is. Which went well.

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Nick Clegg probably thinks England can lose and still become World Champions by joining forces with Germany.

— Primly Stable (@PrimlyStable)
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30. The match restarted. Wayne Rooney continued not scoring goals.

Julian Finney / Getty Images
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31. We’re going to be honest, we’re not entirely sure what happened for the next twenty five minutes because we were watching through a haze of tears and beer.

This is painful enough to watch on Twitter. I hate to think what it's like in real life.

— Mark Davies (@markxdavies)
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Matthias Hangst / Getty Images
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33. Exactly like everybody had predicted.

Always knew ROONEY would do it

— Jak Fuller (@JakFuller7)
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Because the nation always knew that Rooney had it in him - ahem

— Rebecca Dougall (@HeadRHSBath)
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Always knew Rooney would score in the 75th minute

— STEEZUS (@yungareyan)
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36. A nation dared to dream once more.


— James O'Malley (@Psythor)
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37. …And then Suarez scored again or something.

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Here’s what just happened.

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb)
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39. And a nation went back to crying bitter salty tears.

Suarez have me like

— Ry (@FxckRy_)
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40. So, yes. We lost. Again.

Roy Hodgson's all like...

— Crap Taxidermy (@CrapTaxidermy)
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41. Of course, there’s still hope. England aren’t technically out yet.

Mathematically England can still win if aliens abduct all the other teams. #WorldCup

— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype)
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42. We just need this to happen:

If we beat Costa Rica i want a kiss,obviously on the cheek, from the UK Queen..

— Mario Balotelli (@FinallyMario)
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43. But we know what to do.

Right, shall we a get hammered then?

— Carl Anka (@Ankaman616)
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44. And it’s not like we ever really cared about football anyway.

Right. Cricket it is then.

— Richie Firth (@RichieFirth)
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45. Don’t worry everybody. It’ll be okay. It’ll all be okay.

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Tom Phillips is the UK editorial director for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
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