Some Tweets From Seinfeld Characters, If They Had Twitter Then
In no particular order, here are some tweets that might have been written by the main characters from the hit television show Seinfeld, if Twitter was around then.
In no particular order, here are some tweets that might have been written by the main characters from the hit television show Seinfeld, if Twitter was around then.
Like a God with tiger blood, I have inscribed the land with an inscription. What I have done is spelled out part of my name “HAMAD” in the earth via a collaborative project with my slaves friends from Bangladesh and Pakistan. We have designed this so the “H” is connected to a straight from the Arabian gulf and soon my whole name will be filled with glorious waters and I will be jet-skiing with Bree Olsen in canals that spell my name.
I want to start off by saying that I have no problems with porn.I watch porn.Most of us at some point or another have watched porn, probably even regularly.Totally normal.Ok good, we have established that this is not meant to be an attack on the porn industry.
For the purposes of this article, ‘treats her like shit’ is defined by any or all of the following: Imposes upon her for repeated favors including but not limited to financial loans, free meals and car rides which he does not reciprocate tangibly or otherwise and to which he feels categorically entitled; is evasive about the ‘terms’ of the relationship, eluding discussions about sexual loyalty or future prospects; is detached or disaffected, refusing to demonstrate warmth or affection (particularly in public); is perpetually ‘going through something’ that requires an indefinite period of unusual distance on the part of the woman while he ‘figures out his shit’ (where ‘shit’ usually involves an ex-girlfriend, one or more other women or a destructive habit), or is belittling/demeaning to her and/or others.
Booty texts are the rudest of all the texts. You always get them when you’re in bed and about to fall asleep. All of a sudden your phone buzzes and you see a text from someone who you only sleep with when you’re borderline unconscious. What’s funny is that when you receive these texts when you’re sober, you’re just like, “Are you kidding me? How dare you!” But the second you’re wasted, you send the same thing (“cum over cum over srsly cum over byeeee.” You have no shame in your drunk texting game.
Warning: Consuming the five following foods will result in weight gain, disbelief (“I ate all of that? That can’t be possible! There’s no way. Wait, there’s video of me eating it? And a photo album on Facebook that’s titled, “Here are pictures of me eating this inordinate amount of food”? Curses!) and an overall sense of disgust with oneself. Avoid these foods at all costs and stick to eating a Clif bar instead. J/K, those are sick.
Sincerely. Warmly. Wantonly. I’d be thrilled to receive an email with one of these closings. Well, maybe not “wantonly” in a business context, but at least it’s better than “best.” “Best” has bothered me for some time in both business and personal contexts, for various reasons. Here are five.
Nice show on Saturday night. No really. Just when I thought you’d reached Ultimate Drinking Capacity you go one up on me and just drink even more. The way you down Bud after Bud is just so ladylike and graceful, I don’t even know why you don’t have a boyfriend.
A comprehensive list of all the girlfriends you're gonna have.
Recently finishing my first year of undergrad, I compiled a list of the things I really learned after paying thousands of dollars. Move aside Foucault and Morrison, this is where it’s at.
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