15 Types Of Commuter Every Londoner Will Recognise

Used any of London's many modes of public transport before? You'll totally identify with this collection of the most commonly found travellers. In no particular order...

1. The Rucksacker

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Anyone who believes wearing a backpack on the rush hour tube to be a smart idea IS an imbecile. Under the impression there's probably enough room for the rest of us to squeeze in and around them or not even caring either way, they are selfish to the core. So take it off. Now.

2. The Tourist

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We live in the capital, the hub of cultural landmarks, the eye of the UK tourism storm. You can guarantee that you've become more than a little irritated with almost every single one of those 'out of towners' who have absolutely no grasp of the single-file escalator system.

3. The Faux-sleeper

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Yep, we've probably all done it ourselves, but when it's not you, they are the buggers who won't move when someone more in need is looking to rest their weary legs. Let's be sweet and give up that seat now.

4. The Pusher

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You know the scene: it's a packed tube carriage but some absolute moron just has to get on because the next train — which is all but a minute away — is just too long a wait and they are convinced that THAT crevice of space between your armpit and someone else's back is more than enough room for them leaving ample space for the rest of us. It's not.

5. The Stench

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There's always someone who either missed that one shower before travel, travelled straight after the gym, or generally fails to use enough deodorant full-stop. Emitting a noticeable, vom-inducing aroma, it doesn't matter how much Febreeze they've attempted to smother themselves in, you can't help but wish they'd have just taken that one wash today.

6. The Sloucher

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Because the space allocated to them on their seat is not nearly enough, they simply must encroach on to ours too — never has a fraction of space on an arm rest meant so much.

7. The Space Invader

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This traveller is the creepiest of all. You know the types: those with absolutely no spacial awareness, or care for it, who'll stand waaaaay too close to you in the aisles — so much so you can feel their breath. *shudders*

8. The Muncher

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Because that £1.99 box of chicken wings and chips couldn't have waited until they got home...

9. The Loudmouth

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Mostly found to frequent buses or overground services for what feels like the entire journey, but most annoyingly, there are those who chase the intermittent phone signal, and talk far too loudly. Totally unnecessary.

10. The Reader

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No matter how packed a tube carriage or bus aisle might be, there's always someone who HAS to read a paper-slash-book-slash-tablet-device making everyone else's travel experience that little bit more awkward, not only because their elbow are poking further out to angle their reading materials, but perhaps because what's most aggravating about the Reader is that they beat you to it.

11. The Boombox

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Closely related to the Loudmouth, this particular traveller can be found on almost every single journey you've embarked upon. They're convinced that Flo-rida, Example, Justin Bieber, Nicki Minaj, Mumford & Sons, or any other pish they might be listening to sounds better when played 10x louder than medically advised, especially when it scratches and scrapes back out those tinny headphones for the rest of us to endure. It doesn't, so please turn that crap down.

12. The Starer

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A close relation in the 'creep stakes' to the Space Invader (see no. 7) — these travellers are the ones who can't help but stare at you, inappropriately or curiously. Even when you look away, you can still feel their presence, scanning you...

13. The Racer

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Because getting on, off, up, down, and around any form of public transport is a race to an imaginary finish line and everyone else in the vicinity are just hurdles. We all have places to go but rushing like a jackass just annoys everyone else. Patience is not a virtue practiced by this one.

14. The Shopper

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Oxford Street, its surrounding precincts, and stations local to this area are hell any day of the week, but when the Shopper's bags take up more space than they really need, you can't help but want to shove them aside, just a little bit. OK, a lot.

15. The Drunk

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Whether it's the last tube or night bus home (more commonly known as the 'vomit comet'), there's almost always someone who's had more than a few too many alcoholic beverages and who, as a result, is becoming, a) overly amorous, b) possibly aggressive, c) probably foolish, d) possibly irritating, and e) more than likely to throw up on your shoes. It's time to move.