1. Sit Quietly And Wait His Turn
3. Hop In The Old T-Bucket And Do Some Donuts In The Parking Lot
4. Consume The Biosphere Of A Small Planet To Recharge His Cosmic Energy
6. Sit In On Drums For Another Band At A Nearby Venue After Knocking Their Drummer Out With A Single Punch
9. Play The Drums In A Soundproof Room Elsewhere In The Arena
10. Shift His Molecular Vibration Over To An Alternate Universe Where The Band’s Already Up To The Drum Part Of “Stairway,” Perform It There, And Then Come Back Just In Time
11. Concoct And Spread The “Mudshark Incident” Rumor As An Experiment In Memetic Engineering
12. Chip In A Few Chanted Verses From Aleister Crowley’s “Liber AL vel Legis” To Keep Jimmy Page’s Black Magick Curse Against David Bowie Going
14. Bed Down The Significant Others Of Each And Every Member Of Vanilla Fudge
17. Gather A Party Of Stout Bossonian Bowmen And Raid The Pictish Wilderness Ruled By Zogar Sag Beyond The Black River
19. Continue His Years-Long Investigation Into The “Paul Is Dead” Rumor – The Very Thing That Would End Up Getting Him Killed When He Got Too Close To The Truth
22. Use His Four Sticks To Sit In For Clyde Stubblefield AND Jabo Starks Over The Phone During A JBs Recording Session
Here Are The Top Stories
- A University of Cincinnati officer has been charged with murder for shooting Samuel Dubose, an unarmed black man.
- Regulators are looking into allegations of "deceptive or unfair" marketing practices at the University of Phoenix.
- Mullah Omar, the Taliban's reclusive leader, died more than two years ago, Afghan officials say. The Taliban hasn't commented.