1. Right. I'm hosting a BBQ this weekend and I have £9 in my purse.
2. And 43p at the bottom of my pocket.
3. That's not a lot of money.
4. In this situation, what would mum do?
5. She'd budget more than £9.43 if she were hosting a BBQ.
6. Hang on.
7. No.
8. She's organised but she's also thrifty.
9. She'd go to Lidl.
10. £9.43 will go far at Lidl.
11. In fact, I'll probably have change left over at the end.
12. Which I can spend on Pimms.
13. Or, even better, Jeeves.
14. I should text mum and let her know where I am. She'd like to know I'm following in her money-saving footsteps.
15. Wow, this lighting isn't flattering.
16. I mean, I know I'm pale, but I'm not green.
17. Oh well, whatever.
18. I'm just going to grab a basket and start off with salad.
19. Lettuce? Check. Tomatoes? Check. Cucumber? Check.
20. I'm on a roll.
21. Hang on. Is that a USB microscope in the fruit and veg section?
22. What's a USB microscope doing in the fruit and veg section?
23. What even is a USB microscope?
24. I mean, I don't claim to be an expect on USB microscopes, but this one does appear to be very reasonably priced.
25. I'll just pop it in my basket. I can always get rid of it later.
26. That courgette is the size of my forearm.
27. That'll feed all the vegetarians at my BBQ.
28. Praise be to GM.
29. Onto the bread.
30. So much choice! White bloomers! Tiger batons! Pumpkin seed rolls!
31. I'll have to buy them all.
32. Ooh, mum's text back.
33. Did I know that Lidl's skincare range actually performed better than Clinique's in Good Housekeeping's blind skincare test?
34. I most certainly did not.
35. Did I know that Liz Hurley uses it?
36. I mean, they do say it's never too early to start using anti-wrinkle cream.
37. Especially at these prices.
38. I'm going to trade this basket for a trolley.
39. An Easter display!
40. What on earth is a milk chocolate turrón?
41. Or would I rather have a round turrón?
42. I'd better go for the turrón assortment.
43. Ooh, they're Spanish. What a continental BBQ I'll be throwing. Thank god there are coconuts and exotic teas within arm's reach.
44. So. Many. Tins.
45. I never knew so many things came in tins.
46. Like potatoes.
47. That's actually kind of gross.
48. Oops, I've knocked something over.
49. Oh! It's a folding shower screen! That's just what I've been looking for!
50. No.
51. I'm getting distracted.
52. Lidl always does this to me.
53. Let's move onto the meats.
54. Beef beef beef beef beef.
55. Where's the beef?
56. Oh! Deluxe moose leg steaks!
57. Don't mind if I do.
58. And while I'm at it, I may as well pick up some diced reindeer.
59. Now, where's the kitchen roll?
60. I need to ask a member of staff.
61. Oh hang on, staff don't just wander the aisles of Lidl like they've got nothing better to so.
62. Which is weird.
63. But I guess I can just find the kitchen roll myself.
64. I mean, I do like a challenge.
65. Look at this cereal wall!
66. I've never seen such a majestic wall!
67. And I bet Choco Rice taste even better than Coco Pops.
68. I'm going to take my time over the cheeses.
69. 99p for a car care wipe?
70. Sure.
71. But back to the cheeses.
72. Lidl cheeses are the best.
73. Cheese coleslaw? What is this sorcery?
74. I did not know cheese coleslaw was a thing. I'm so uncultured.
75. I'll going to buy one of each of these dips.
76. And one of each of the cheeses too.
77. That way, I'll know what I like for next time.
78. Oh. This is a very a long queue.
79. But it is right by the frozen section.
80. Which is very handy.
81. Because I absolutely need a tart aux framboises in my freezer. You know, just in case.
82. And a cheese and bean pasty.
83. And a breaded cheesey jalapeño bite selection box.
84. In fact, I may as well stock up on these. You never know when you need a breaded cheesey jalapeño bite selection box.
85. Wine.
86. Do I like wines from Alsace or Loire?
87. Well, obviously I like them all.
88. And the Jeeves. I can't forget the Jeeves.
89. And to top it all off: a Viennetta!
90. For 99p!
91. A criminally underpriced dessert!
92. This queue may just be the fastest moving queue I've ever been in.
93. What a pleasant shopping experience this has been.
94. Oh god.
95. I forgot my bags for life.
96. Can I carry all of this home in a bottomless box?
97. Probably not.
98. I'll have to buy a bag.
99. But it's an investment, really. Isn't it?
100. And I don't feel bad about giving money to this institution.
101. This wonderful, efficient, German institution.
102. Look at how fast they're scanning my stuff!
103. Look at how fast I'm putting it all into my bag!
104. I want to get married in Lidl.