63 Things You Did On Awkward Teenage Dates

Cider in the park, anyone?

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1. “Going to town”.
2. Slowly roaming your local high street.
3. Slowly roaming your local high street with a take out smoothie, because that’s what the older girls at school did.
4. Slowly roaming your local high street with a take out coffee, because that’s what grown ups did.
5. Inexplicably spending a considerable amount of time in Debenhams.
6. Sitting in Costa Coffee for hours on end.
7. Sitting in Caffè Nero for hours on end.
8. Sitting in Starbucks for hours on end.
9. Enduring countless awkward silences.
10. Convincing yourself that they were comfortable silences.
11. Texting people who weren’t on your date.
12. Snogging at the bus stop.
13. Snogging on the back seat of your mate’s car.
14. Snogging on your parents’ sofa, cautiously in case they got home early.
15. Snogging in your bedroom with the door open.
16. Snogging on a table the back of a party in a village hall.
17. Snogging with your eyes open.
18. Snogging with your eyes closed, but then opening one to check if their eyes were open.
19. Touching boobs through clothes.
20. Touching penises through clothes.
21. Accidentally touching hands at the cinema.
22. Accidentally touching hands while watching a film on your parents’ sofa.
23. Purposely touching one arbitrary body part while watching a film, to signify that you were more than just friends.
24. Watching a film that was neither too girly, nor too manly. Like The Chronicles of Narnia.
25. Or Mr Bean.
26. Playing on your PS2.
27. Playing The Sims on your parents’ desktop computer.
28. Going on MSN.
29. Going off MSN because your mum needed to use the phone.
30. Updating your MySpace status.
31. Sitting in on band practice.
32. Making out during band practice.
33. Listening to Radiohead in your bedroom.
34. Making each other mix tapes.
35. Talking about your feelings.
36. Stealing booze from your parents.
37. Borrowing your older sister’s ID to buy Caribbean Twist, blue WKDs and unrefrigerated cider.
38. Drinking Caribbean Twist, blue WKDs and unrefrigerated cider in the park.
39. Smoking in the park.
40. Smoking weed in the park.
41. Consuming lukewarm picnic food in the park.
42. Fingering in the park.
43. Shit handjobs in the park.
44. Unsettling sexual fumblings in the park.
45. Going for a bike ride.
46. Going to Pizza Hut and paying £5.99 for the buffet.
47. Peeing a lot at Pizza Hut because you got refill Cokes.
48. Sharing a pizza at Bella Italia.
49. Sharing tapas at La Tasca.
50. Getting your parents to drop you off at Frankie & Benny’s, which was conveniently located in the middle of a giant car park.
51. Sneaking into the back section of Ann Summers and spotting your English teacher.
52. Going to Lazer Quest.
53. Snogging in the hidden bit at Lazer Quest.
54. Bowling.
55. Dancing on the dance mats at bowling.
56. Going to the arcade.
57. Spending all your money on the penny coin pusher.
58. Going for a walk in the evening and pretending to know about the stars.
59. Babysitting your younger siblings.
60. Watching the football with your dad in the room.
61. Drinking Malibu and coke.
62. Getting drunk on Malibu and coke.
63. Not going on teenage dates.

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