1. “Philosophy. What’s that then?”
2. “Oh, so it’s just thinking about stuff?”
Yep. Sure. You’ve absolutely nailed it. That is literally all it is.
5. “So you’ll be able to tell me: What does it all mean?”
What on earth makes you think I can tell you that?
7. “I’m a pretty logical person.”
That doesn’t mean what you think it means.
8. “That wasn’t really necessary, was it?”
Nope. That’s not what that means either.
9. “So if a tree fell and no one was there to hear it…”
Sure, just bear with me a moment while I sum up this intensely complicated area of philosophy that numerous books have been written about.
10. “So basically nothing matters, then.”
It matters to me that you SHUT UP.
11. “Do I have free will?”
Just read a book. Please. Just. Read. A. Book.
13. “Yeah, it’s basically like Occam’s razor.”
So you did GCSE RE? Good for you.
14. “So do you speak German?”
No. No, I don’t speak German.
15. “How’s the job search going?”
Yeah, really well, thanks. How about yours? You’re exactly on track? Achieving all of your goals? Living out your dreams? Hitting your targets? Yes? Good.
16. “Don’t you sometimes wish you’d done something more…practical?”
Every. Single. Day.
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