1. There is nothing worse than getting on a train, settling down in your seat, and then realising there is a baby right behind you.
2. Except sitting down near a baby on a plane. Because then you're trapped.
3. Your biggest fear is being asked to hold a baby.
4. But you're also very scared of being left alone in a room with one.
5. At family events babies are usually the centre of attention, which doesn't make any sense because they never add anything to the conversation.
6. And even though you know it's bad, you get jealous of them for stealing the limelight.
7. Parents of babies think that describing their child's daily routine is very interesting.
8. And they get angry if you refer to their baby as "it".
9. But nothing as is awkward as a baby speaking, its parents understanding what it said, and you having absolutely no idea what's going on.
10. And you always feel like the baby you're hanging out with knows how uncomfortable it's making you.
11. For some reason, everyone seems to find it cute when babies do gross things like dribble.
12. They also find it sweet when babies insult you.
13. And no one seems to mind the fact that babies go from making noise at a normal volume to screaming very loudly with no warning.
14. And sometimes they do all those bad things in restaurants where you are trying to have a nice time.
15. Or in cars in which you are a passenger.
16. Other times, people change babies' nappies in front of you, like it's the most normal thing in the world.
17. People often speak in very squeaky voices to babies, which is irritating.
18. Or they talk about themselves in the third person.
19. It's not necessarily the case that you hate all babies. You'd just rather avoid interacting with them.
20. You can also appreciate how cute it is when parents are really proud of their babies. But that doesn't mean you want to hang out with them.
21. It's frustrating when people tell you that when you're older you'll change your mind and want to have one.
22. Because you know that, given the choice, you will always pick a dog over a baby.
