Unless you’re into bulk buying frozen meat, and you have a particularly strong aversion to nutrients, avoid Nisa like the plague. Besides, its fresh stuff tastes like watery mud. Ew.
Contrary to what Kerry Katona wants you to believe, anywhere that sells a frozen 75 piece Indian platter for £4 ought to be avoided at all costs. In fact, anywhere where a cheese and onion quiche is entirely indistinguishable from a chocolate marble cheesecake ought never to be entered.
OK so Budgens isn’t the worst place in the world. But its name makes it sound like it’s a budget store when it’s not. And even if it is named after its founder, it seems a little deceitful.
If you need to purchase an industrial sized bottle of Glen’s Vodka and some luke warm, semi-separated fruit juice to mix it with, Costcutter will suffice. It’s not glam, but it’s functional.
Often attached to motorway service stations, Spar is always unreasonably warm. While buying one of its air-tight, packaged sandwiches is probably the worst thing you could ever do, some of them have those instant Costa coffee machines in them. And they’re jazzy.
Asda used to be cool when it sold Mary-Kate and Ashley’s own-brand trainers. But it doesn’t do that anymore. Boo.
A mixed bag. About half of them don’t have windows and compensate by being so aggressively air-conditioned that you need to wear snow boots and a bear skin hat to enter them. But the other 50% have a cheerful village shop vibe and are filled with friendly staff. Ever a gamble.
You can’t go wrong with Tesco. Unless you eat one of its potato salads, which are inexplicably made with glue and vinegar instead of sour cream and mayonnaise. Gross.
Following the horsemeat scandal, Morrisons scores bonus points for sourcing its meat directly from farmers. Well done, Moz.
6. The Co-Operative.
OK so its loyalty card makes no sense whatsoever, but its fruit and veg is probably the best around. And its bakery sells a walnut and coffee cake that’ll rival your nan’s.
Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, their “Why I Shop at Waitrose…” promotion was poorly thought through. But only grown ups shop at Waitrose, so a cheeky visit will make you feel very mature.
Aldi’s wines are cheap and not gross. And its cheeses are yummy. But the best thing about Aldi is that its website has a cocktail section which gives you a recipe for something called “The Aldiki”.
2. Marks & Spencer.
Five reasons. 1. Percy Pigs. 2. Percy Pig & Pals. 3. Percy Piglets. 4. Penny Pigs. 5. Phizzy Pig Tails.