13 Insane Suggestions You'll Find In Harper's Bazaar

Please, please never do these things.

The "Why Don't You...?" section of Harper's Bazaar, a tribute to former Fashion Editor Diana Vreeland, offers some of the worst suggestions that have ever been made. Herewith, the most bizarre 13.

13. Why don't you...?

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Because that would make me look like a witch.

12. Why don't you...?

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Because lazy summer picnics don't smell like roses. They smell of cheese that's gone off a bit in the sun.

11. Why don't you...?

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Because that sounds like a complete and utter waste of time. And I haven't recorded my hopes and dreams since I was 12-years-old and wanted Max to dance with me at the school disco.

10. Why don't you...?

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Because I just cannot, in any way, conceptualise what an early nineties R&B party would look like, or how it would fit into my four-room flat. And I don't understand the second half of the question even slightly.

9. Why don't you...?

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Because Polaroids cost like £1 a picture. And I already know what I look like in my clothes.

8.

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I don't own a dog, but I just Googled this and a dog t shirt from Mulberry costs £70. £70!

7. Why don't you...?

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Because eating a picnic indoors sounds terrible. When you're cold, you want hot food, no? And anyway, I definitely don't own vintage cutlery or white linen tablecloths and I just don't know what a majestic candelabra looks like.

6. Why don't you...?

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Because then I would lose all my friends.

5. Why don't you...?

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Because I obviously don't have a family crest. Surely the target audience of this post is too niche?

4. Why don't you...?

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Haha. Because children break things, pop-up books bear no relation to digital worlds and I'm not convinced three-dimensional thinking is a thing.

3. Why don't you...?

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Because I just don't dedicate enough time to thinking about being an island to justify needing to remind myself of that fact.

2. Why don't you...?

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For so many reasons. Because I've never attended an event at which both Smarties and champagne were served. Because if I were to attend an event at which both Smarties and champagne were served, I think it would be poor etiquette to start dropping sweeties into my drink. Because Smarties only come in a very limited palate of colours, and so dressing to make this feasible would be overly complicated.

1. Why don't you...?

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I've changed my mind. I really want to do this.