How ‘Murikans Celebrate Chinese New Year

IT’S NEW YEARS! AGAIN! CHINESE NEW YEARS! (it’s a great excuse to drink so I choose not to question it). How will you celebrate? You can’t just call up the restaurant on the corner son, you’re representin’ America now… for China.

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First you gotta yourself some of these so you can make the magic happen good and proper… respect yo…

Make sure you don’t just get the ones with the fork and knife on the end, you want the kind that actually clip together with a little spring-loaded device (because dexterity is hard). I’ll give you a moment to put it together… it’s tricky… then can you put mine together? (the instructions only came in Chinese)

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2. Now it’s time to open up that drawer…


yep, that’s the one. You know you have mad duck sauce. Everyone’s jealous.

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3. You’ll need a little mood music

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it might not be your cup of tea but just remember it’s a different culture, so open your mind

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4. Time for some appetizers!


How about some steamed buns made out of canned biscuits?
Seriously they are actually good. No. Really. Like actually really, weirdly amazingly like delicious steamed buns. it’s uncanny (except it is “canny” because the biscuits are canned, see what I did, haha)

here’s the recipe

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5. Spring Rolls (wrapped in bacon)


I would prefer them also put on a stick, dipped in corndog batter and deep fried (again), but I GUESS this will do… until technology progresses.

Here’s the recipe:

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6. You’ll need a refreshing beverage

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How about green tea? Of course here in America we don’t drink our tea hot (I think that’s what we fought the Revolutionary War over), we drink it COLD. Also, we add whiskey…

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7. Ro Mein


It’s lo mein made out of ramen by the way, that’s why I called it that… not because “lo mein” starts with an “L”, that would make me a bad person.

Here’s the recipe:

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8. Slow Cooker Char Siu (Chinese BBQ Pulled Pork)


If it’s BBQ it can be made out of pork shoulder and served out of a crockpot, the rule ALWAYS applies.

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9. Rochester NY style Sweet and Sour Chicken

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This is something I’ve only seen here in Rochester, but it is genius and amazing. You take whole pieces of southern fried chicken (you can make them yourself from the recipe above or just go through KFC) and you toss them in a whole bottle of sweet and sour sauce so every piece is coated with sticky, spicy, tangy deliciousness. This also works with General Tao and Orange Chicken if you want to get fancy.

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10. and for dessert… Microwave Fortune Cookies

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Happy New Year!

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