1. In the beginning, just going for a wee can include a life-changing revelation.
2. No matter how delighted you are, you’ll also be terrified.
3. From the off, nothing makes sense.
Like how you’re not pregnant for the first two weeks.
4. Google always listens though.
5. There’s always someone on the internet with a dumber question than you.
6. Or just asking the questions you’re too embarrassed to ask.
7. You’ll find out if you’re the kind of person who can keep a secret.
9. You’re able to conjure more elaborate excuses for not drinking than you thought.
10. There’s apparently no such thing as TMI when you’re pregnant.
Consider it training for when you have the baby and enter a lifetime of oversharing.
11. There’s a whole dialect out there that only mums understand.
Baby related acronyms make even less sense than an actual baby.
12. Your symptoms can render everyday life an Everest climb.
13. Your worst hangovers never prepared you for “morning” sickness.
All the nausea, none of the fun.
14. The morning part is a lie too. Sickness can strike any time of day.
Where do I send a letter of complaint?
15. Even the most innocuous smells make you want to barf.
Fresh coffee anyone?
16. There’s no feelgood factor in not feeling sick either.
About 20% of women don’t feel ill morning, noon or night.
17. Even if you can face eating as normal you’ll view food with a new suspicion.
There’s a lot you can’t eat. It all gets a bit #middleclassproblems when you can no longer enjoy your rare weird cheese.
18. Having it all = fatigue, nausea AND keeping your eyes open in meetings.
19. One awesome side effect is that your boobs get bigger.
The surge of hormones can be your friend.
20. They’ll also be sore, but weirdly that’s reassuring.
Symptoms = proof you’re still pregnant. Sore boobs FTW!
21. You start to understand the threshold of your partner’s sympathy.
22. With 200mg limit per day, you’ll learn to live without a caffeine high.
And who knew chocolate counted as caffeine?
23. You’ll discover that it’s not actually possible to poo out a foetus.
Though the “congesting” effects of progesterone will help you test this theory.
24. Suddenly you’ll find weight gain desirable.
Though the baby itself won’t be taking up much room.
25. Pregnancy’s frequent toilet trips are sometimes just to check all is ok “down there”.
27. Life’s smallest defeats now have the power to destroy you.
28. Your pregnancy superpower is making time stand still.
The twelve weeks until your first scan will feel like a lifetime.
29. No one can agree when the first trimester actually ends.
It depends how you’re counting.